Friday, January 30, 2009

I'm not FAT, I'm PREGNANT.

I’m heading out to the coast tomorrow for a gig.  A quilting conference - seriously.  They’re goona go APE for us:)  But they want us to wear kilts - and silly me, haven’t found a maternity kilt yet.  If I pin mine and wear a long top, I think it’ll pass as a fit, but it’s not an attractive look.  In fact, this is the closest thing to “maternity kilt” I found online -

(that’s a maternity tee).  Yeah…. I’m thinking that might not be the kind of image I’m trying to convey to my fans… I’m scared I might actually get a few takers.  Eep!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

3 month moment

When I was in high school, one of my dearest friends was killed in a car accident.  A few of us convereged on one friend’s house for a few days to cry, eat, and repeat.  At one point we were all contemplating what had happened and started making leaps of reasoning such as “My shirt is blue and now I’m blue - maybe I KNEW this was going to happen today and I subconsciously put on a blue shirt this morning just to be READY to be blue…”  As if that wasn’t far-reaching enough, our logic got even nuttier, until my friend’s mom stopped us and told us -  

“Don’t go looking for coincidences - you’ll always find them.  And they usually won’t mean a thing.”

I’ve never forgotten those words.  They reign me in when my brain starts going berserk.  But something I haven’t been able to shake this pregnancy is how everything was fine last time until that phone call during my 3rd month, telling me SexyHusband had been laid off.  From then, my life was a whirlwind of confusion, packing boxes and visas.  The 3 months prior had seemed so perfect - getting ready to nest and settle in our little house and start a family, and then it was a case of finding normalcy and peace in living our nutty lives out of a suitcase, and preparing to give birth in a foreign country.

Aside - I do NOT regret moving to Brasil, giving birth there, living there, etc.  In fact some days I miss it so much I surprise myself.  It was just what needed to happen for WonderToddler and our family and I’m so thankful it did.

But I can’t help thinking - what’s going to be my 3 month wake-up call this time?  I try to tell myself there won’t be one, but crazy brain persists.

Then there were layoffs at SH’s company today.  He still has a job - but it leaves us in serious doubt about the future there, and how stable everything is.  Heck, in the past week well over 80,000 people have been laid off all over the US.  No one is immune to the “downturn.”  I look around our home that I love and wonder - how long will all this last?  Will I be here when baby #2 comes?  Where will THIS ride take me?

I’m 12 weeks along.  Dagnabit, I had just one week until I was safely in 4 month territory.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Have you ever...

loved someone so much it hurt?  Being a mom drives me crazy most of the time.  But those little arms wrapping around my neck, and her high voice squealing “I love you SO SO much!!” - it’s just so wonderful, it actually HURTS sometimes.  And those smiley kisses, smack on my lips, with this content look in her eyes that say “I made you happy!!”  Ouch :)

Monday, January 26, 2009

I am so tired from the SweetusFetus (currently 11 weeks in the making) sucking out my brain and my energy and my lunch so that I cannot summon up funny.  Or inspirational.  Or interesting.  So I thought this picture would suffice.

See??  She’s still super wacky!!!


So you know those Random 25 Things About Me lists that everyone and their puppy is tagging each other with on Facebook?  I am too lazy do do one on my own, but SexyHusband’s was amusing enough, so I figured I’d steal it and add my own comments as necessary.  Just to keep the record straight.

1. I don’t ever check my voicemail at work. There could be a million out there for me, but I don’t really care – It’s the one thing at work I can fully control.  Me too!  I neeever check mine!
2. One of my hobbies is shopping.  Ditto.
3. I need about 8.5 hrs of sleep a night. When I don’t get it I say lots of things that I shouldn’t.  Heck yes he does.
4. I hate Dave Matthews with a passion, even though (or maybe partially because) my wife loves him.  I DON’T love him!  But calling him the Anti-Christ seems a little much for me!
5. Since I was 16 I’ve played the guitar (that’s half my life!). I haven’t played nearly as much as I want to. I actually kind of miss it.  I admit I miss my guitar years too.
6. There are almost 20 pairs of shoes in my closet – but I have one pair I wear almost all the time.  Sigh, ditto.
7. I’m my daughters best friend and I love it.  Hey, half the time she says I’M her best friend!
8. When I was a child I spent a few years living in a trailer park behind the astrodome and loved it.  Can’t say I ever tried that.
9. My job is useless. I provide second rate electronics to spoiled kids. (I do love the paycheck though)  I’m a huge fan of the paycheck.
10. I love Lost.  We’re hooked!
11. Water is my favorite drink – with a touch of lemon.  He is a water missionary - can’t stop telling people to drink it.  Sheesh.
12. I think that my wife is hottest at 2 months pregnant. Grrr…  I do NOT understand this guy.
13. Spaghetti Cat ROCKS!  Yes.  Yes he does.
14. I grew up in St Louis and would love to move back!  I lived there too.  It doesn’t suck.
15. I commute on a scooter (whenever it’s not too cold).  It’s pretty cute.
16. I love cheese and bread (not necessarily together).  I could eat cheese all day every day.
17. Typically I’m laid back and nice, but when I get pushed I can be vindictive and unforgiving.  Too true.  Evil SH doesn’t come out very often though.
18. I love impressionist art.  I like modern.
19. One of my favorite things to do is sleep. I love it.  I’m pretty sure he loves it more than me.
20. I don’t like non-reptile pets (partially due to allergies).  I don’t like pets.  Too much like children.
21. My favorite sport is hockey and my favorite team is the St Louis Blues.  It’s cute when he gets all “fan”.
22. I’m fluent in Portuguese.  I am hilariously bad in Portuguese.
23. I hate the cold. HATE IT!  I am growing to despise it.  It makes my body wig out.
24. I’m the cheapest person (outside of my family) that I know.  He is Mr. MoneyBags compared to his family, but compared to the rest of the world - so, so so cheap.
25. The Book of Mormon, New Testament, and Doctrine and Covenants are some of the very few books that I have actually finished.  Good for him!  I am right behind him.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

“Hey, update your blog!!”  On demand??  Sure thing Lynde1, BUT it will involve a picture of you getting accosted by my husband.


Friday, January 23, 2009

Dear World,

Please stop sending me thank you cards.  The gifts I give at showers are just awful, and they do not deserve a card.  Plus, writing my own thank you cards is such a mind numbing and painful experience for me that it actually gives me hives.  Please, please don’t feel the need to thank me.  If I actually give a decent present, I insist on hugs and tears in the corners of the receiver’s eyes.  Just no more thank you cards.


PS.  I have been informed that my blog is dull and if I blogged more like my brother it would better entertain certain members of my family.  Now, my brother spends his workday developing top-secret technology as an engineer.  I spend my workday laying on the floor of my living room telling WonderToddler to get her finger outta there and STOP IT.  Obviously, I am in need of new material.  Thoughts?  Inspiration?  Rotten tomatoes?

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

lowest common denominators

Okay, to cleanse the blog-pallete I was all ready to blog today about my latest two guilty pleasure songs.  I mean, I have to pretend I’m all classy with this graduate degree in music and I only listen to Stravinsky and experimental Javan gamelan music (don’t laugh, I acually played in one in grad school!). 

I do listen to the regla’r old radio - now, more than ever, to try and get an escape from my brain, to pretend I’m still young and hip and there isn’t a toddler in the backseat screaming for the “Itsy Bitsy Spider” one more time.  And I analyze it - I can’t help it, it’s all those years of not understanding music theory but trying super hard to understand what instrument is doing what where and if the “composer” does anything out of the ordinary with the standard chord structure of a pop song.

Anywho, I was going to post all about (and defend my reasoning of) these 2 songs I have suddenly become obssessed with by 2 artists I’m not a fan of, when I checked out SeriouslySoBlessed today and the entry made my laugh my pants off. 

Only problem with that site is she’s always got music playing on her page - I HATE that.  So I scolled down to find the player (it’s hidden down there, drives me nuts), and discovered the top 2 songs on her player were my guilty pleasures.

Dang.  I’m going to have my hipster card revoked, I KNOW it.

*okay, I will admit, Beyonce wrote one of them and I am a begrudging fan of hers for life - even though she’s the creepiest dancer ever and her lyrics are usually stupider than stupid - because she did write Bootylicious.  Praise be to her for that gem!

Monday, January 19, 2009


I feel rotten.  SexyHusband has taken off for an errand to give me some alone time because I am feeling just that rotten - inside and out.  Dang he’s so wonderful.  It makes me feel rotten for feeling rotten.  here is a short list of the first few things I can think of that make me feel rotten today.

  1. I am a rotten mom.  - No really, I am.  I couldn’t manage to get WT to take a nap before I had to teach a violin lesson, so she howled for an hour in her crib.  This does not make me feel rotten - she needed that dang nap.  Afterwards I was so worked up and anxious trying to focus on my student and the buzz of WT shrieking for so long, and TIRED, I had to hide so I wouldn’t tear her arms off.  Yes, I literally pictured tearing her arms off.  I can’t do motherhood - I don’t have the energy, the imagination, the self-control.

  2. I have a HUGE butt.  Everything is growing too fast on me.  SH loves it and keeps slipping me extra food and treats because to him, 2 months pregnant me is the perfect weight.  I’m sickened by the sight and feel of my own body.  And in a TOTALLY unexpected side effect, I’ve discovered boobs can be TOO big.  Apparently, it becomes unattactive where every shirt you wear looks like it is in pain because 2 huge melons are smashed in there waaayyyy too tight and are threatening to escape.  Who knew??  I certainly didn’t, I couldn’t WAIT until they got all preggo-big.  Again, SH does not help the situation by being a big fan of said melons.

  3. I am a rotten housekeeper.  I can’t keep my house remotely clean - it overwhelms me to the point it is hard to breathe.  But I can’t clean it - I’m so blasted tired and this little tornado follows me everywhere destroying every I touch.  I know a clean house would make me elated, and depressed because I’d know it was only a matter of time before it would be all trashed again.

  4. I am rotten at keeping my temper.  It just occured to me that I may just have an anger management problem.  Looking back at my childhood, it’s starting to dawn on me that this is not a new development for me…  may need to let my shrink in on this one.

  5. I have rotten clothes.  I swore this time I wouldn’t stretch my regular clothes out and I’d switch to bigger/maternity wear sooner, but alas, finding a whole new set of clothes for my insane body and issues??  It’s turning out almost impossible.  I can’t just run to the store and buy a shirt - my torso is too blasted long for most shirts at chain stores.  I think the ONLY shirt that fits all my requirements (need sewn-in sleeves, extra-long, not a tent, around $10) is the downeastbasics crew maternity shirt - but they don’t have it in the color I want.  I feel guilty when I smash into my tee-shirts, telling mself TODAY I’ll get around to getting something else, but I just ruin my clothes and hope tomorrow I’ll have time. 

  6. I have a rotten tummy.  2 fantastic meals today , and my tummy hurts so much right now it’s actually cramping.  WHY TUMMY, WHY?!?!

  7. I am a rotten commenter.  I read everyone’s blog - EVERYONE.  I don’t get around to commenting half as much as I should -although when I do, I mean it from the heart.  I just hate that I don’t do it as much as I should.

  8. I have a completely wonderful life and I still manage to complain about some stupid things.  I know, being a rotten mom is totally justified, but complaining about my clothes?!  Gah, I’m annoying!

This concludes my gripe.  I’ll post again soon to get something else less smelly off he top spot.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

4 years ago today.  Doesn’t even seem possible that it has been that long, but it also feels like we’ve always been together. 

DANG I’m one lucky girl.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

just had the 9/10 week ultrasound...

and she (yes, I think it’s a she) was DANCING!!!  Wiggling, gleefully dancing right there in my tummy.  It’s so easy for me to forget there is a SOMEONE in there, but she said hello to me today and let me know she’s here to stay.


Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Sooo.... the pregnant thing....

I can’t move without the danger of losing my lunch.  Why not blog?!

I’m not going to complain - I know it’s a blessing and I could be feeling a heck of a lot worse, like SexyHusband-  his migraines are now at deathcom 64.  We all know how I handled parenthood last time and my feelings at attempting it twice have been…. mixed.

I’ve been praying - hard - for months - that IF and WHEN I, and my family were ready, that I’d get pregnant.  And not before.  I thought it should have happened months ago, scheduling-wise, giving birth in August is a bad idea for me and I actually tried to prevent it, but obviously it was meant to happen when it did.  So how can I feel anything but peace?

OOooh yeah, there’s a lot of scary thoughts - like how will I manage to schedule teaching and finding some in-home care that doesn’t make it ridiculous financially, how will I handle the NEWBORN phase - will the post partum depression hit like last time, how will I manage that with WonderToddler, can I do 2 kids???

For now, I’m taking it as it comes.  I’ll try to find solutions and take care of myself.  Last time there were a lot of factors that made everything complicated - alone in Brasil and all.  I’m not thinking this time will be all rainbows and unicorns, but I survived last time.  Chances are, I’ll end up okay once the next one hits walking and talking.  And I’ll find ways to smile in between there.  I mean, WonderToddler does continue to be super awesome.

That all being said, I signed up for this motherhood thing all the way, and I am looking forward to WT getting to be a big sister, which she is INSANELY excited about.  So, I’ll take nauseous, I’ll take the muscle pain, I’ll take the peeing every 4 minutes, because I have faith I’m doing the right thing.  Can’t get a better reason than that!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

to the point

In Texas for Dani’s fabulousity of a wedding.

Having a ball.


Thought about Dani and all the joy she brought to my wedding… which was almost


I’m in shock to suddenly realize that!!!

I’ve been married almost 4 years?!?!?!?!

Also, having morning sickness on a plane at 6am while reading a book about a vampire baby ripping a pregnant woman apart from the inside - BAD.  IDEA.

Still can’t put the flipping thing down though.

HEAR YE. I need to document the fact that I ran 3 miles and didn't feel like death.  So just to make sure it wasn't a fluke, I did...