Really world,

Of all the music to be popular and widespread -Nickleback?? Really??

this is a NO CHEERING UP zone.

I can’t blog.  And it’s your fault.  There’s too many nice people out there.  People who want to say “It’s okay!  It will be fine!  I’ve been there, too!”

I don’t want to hear it, I just need to simmer in my shock, by how at no fault of my own, I was convinced that I was having a girl.  That after growing up as the girl who didn’t fit in with all her brothers, I was going to get to give WT a sister to grow up with.  I don’t care if you have sisters and it was hard - all I can vouch for is feeling seriously left out when most of my adult girlfriends have sisterly bonds and I have brothers who get together and can commiserate about things I have NO clue about.  So I end up standing on tables screaming “LOOKITME!!! LOOKITME!!!” for attention.

You think I’m kidding.  Ask my brothers what happens every Thanksgiving dinner.

I’ve been flipping out (because if you haven’t guessed, it’s a BOY in my stupid uterus)- thinking about how I’ve never even LIKED any little boys I’ve met.  They smell and hit my daughter.  But then, I actually don’t like any kids, come to think of it.  So that’s unfair.  And I didn’t reaalllllyyyy like WT until she was older and out of the Screaming Non-Stop, Puking On Me All The Time, Wouldn’t Eat Anything Or Even Take A Bottle Unless We Had Her Crying Or Sitting In A Closet, and the Not Sleeping phases.  I don’t think I REALLY fell in love with her until last Thanksgiving when she had the stomach flu and in between throwing up all night, sweetly asked for some water.  You know how marvelous it is to be TOLD what’s going on, and not having to decipher what “KLJHGDJHAAAAAHHH!!!!” means?!?!

So regardless of gender, we all know it will be a good long while before I feel in control or in any way well-adjusted anyway.  Or like the kid.  And please, do not tell me having boys is fun, or that you think I’ll be a good mom to one OR that I could just get pregnant AGAIN on the off-chance that it’ll be a girl (that. is. insane).  Just “dang, I’m sorry things didn’t go the way you planned!”  That’s all I need.  I’ll let you know when I WANT cheering up.

Also, we all knew this, but it’s all SexyHusband’s fault.  Grrrrrr.

Oh, and since WonderToddler is my carbon copy, there’s also a good chance this boy will be a punk know-it-all like SexyHusband.  Let’s add that to the list of why I’m FLIPPING OUT.

This makes me feel better about myself.  I’m a pig, my car is full of junk, I eat incredibly poorly, but at least it isn’t THAT bad!

Honestly, my self-esteem thrives on bad examples.  Luckily there’s no shortage of those.

Just noticed this on SexyHusband’s Facebook pics, from about a year ago.  A. Dorable.

Also, I swear I will write a real entry shortly.  I’ve been putting off doing it because I am trying to cope with life and not spew forth insanity until I’ve thought it through.  How unbloggery of me.

Oh, how I wish this was me today.

(via cacaococoa; overflowing)

The Face Of A Young Man Hearing For The First Time

“This photo was taken by photographer Jack Bradley and depicts the exact moment this boy, Harold Whittles, hears for the very first time ever. The doctor treating him has just placed an earpiece in his left ear. Date unknown. “

(via ooliquidnightoo)

Craig promised to call his mom while on Dumbo.
So he did.
Racki is not laughing at Craig.
He is laughing because of how much fun Dumbo is.
The Most Magical Place on Earth.  (via:bittentongue)

I want to call my mom from Dumbo. Dang I miss DisneyLand.

Death Cab For Cutie : I Willl Follow You Into The Dark Sweetest, most morbid love song ever written. SexyHusband also purchased tix to see them in May. *squeeeeee*

Death Cab For Cutie : I Willl Follow You Into The Dark

Sweetest, most morbid love song ever written.  SexyHusband also purchased tix to see them in May.  *squeeeeee*

Undeniable proof that I am mere months from turning 30 - and can NOT get away with the same wardrobe I did at 20.  In my defense - I was playing a kids show.   Next time, I’ll try insane amounts of glitter.

No idea where it is, what it is, or why.  But I’m pretty sure my brother Dallin should be living in it.

via myserendipities; visualize

unpleasant.

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful.  I really hate that I do.  But I’m ungrateful.

I have been screamed at, punched, berated, barked at, bossed around, and whatever else a toddler does this morning.  I didn’t take it, I gave time outs, and lovingly informed her that her behavior was …. unacceptable.

And with every kick from the inside of my gut, I’m reminded that this is not over, not by a long shot.  Once this thing comes out, I get a year of no sleep, projectile vomit, followed by another year of running away from me and angry gibberish, and then tantrums.   And don’t even get me started on trying to find someone to watch them while I try to teach violin lessons…

I really don’t like my job.

I’ve been doing this wrong.  Didn’t know Nigiri went upside-down!  Now, if only I was allowed to eat raw fish…

(via scribkin: TheStar.com | living | Are you sushi savvy?)

you know what's priceless?

When you have a day that feels like this:

Having friends wallow with you.  Not telling you it’s okay, not telling you why you are being ridiculous, but simply saying “I’m so sorry.  That stinks.” 

Jamie Cullum : All At Sea A handy song to have for a no-good-very-bad-day.

Jamie Cullum : All At Sea

A handy song to have for a no-good-very-bad-day.

Design Concept of the Day: “Chopsticks Aid” by Jaroslav Kucera.

This is so cool it actually hurts a little.

 [via barbiefaced; thedailywhat; h/t.]

Designed as a jumping-off point for parents to discuss drug use with their children, the “Sound Advice Project” converts voice recordings into bracelets with rings representing the waveform of a parent’s recorded admonishment. They’re $18.   (via realreason; realrealsoft;laureola; alanajoy; microlife)

BRILLIANT! 

Recipe for a great St. Pattys day: early gigs so I can be home to put my little girl to bed and snuggle my hubby.

John Mayer : Say There’s a LOT I don’t say. At least I try not to. I don’t tell WonderToddler that if she throws one more tantrum I will have a nervous breakdown. I don’t tell SexyHusband how the thought of having one more child makes me want to dig a hole and stay in it. And I try not to blog about how many times a day I look up at the sky and wonder why me, out of all the people I know struggling with fertility issues and who are and will be AMAZING parents - why I am supposed to be a mom. Instead of everything else I wanted to be, my path smashed right into Mommytown where in spite of the occasional successes, I frequently crash and burn. Just ask WT, who has screamed in horror at the sight of me today. So instead of exploding, I listen to this song. Close my eyes, float away, and remember that what I say can’t be unsaid - and resolve just to say the things that NEED to be said. Thank you. Yes… and no. I love you. I miss you. I understand.

John Mayer : Say

There’s a LOT I don’t say.  At least I try not to.  I don’t tell WonderToddler that if she throws one more tantrum I will have a nervous breakdown.  I don’t tell SexyHusband how the thought of having one more child makes me want to dig a hole and stay in it.  And I try not to blog about how many times a day I look up at the sky and wonder why me, out of all the people I know struggling with fertility issues and who are and will be AMAZING parents - why I am supposed to be a mom.  Instead of everything else I wanted to be, my path smashed right into Mommytown where in spite of the occasional successes, I frequently crash and burn.  Just ask WT, who has screamed in horror at the sight of me today.

So instead of exploding, I listen to this song.  Close my eyes, float away, and remember that what I say can’t be unsaid - and resolve just to say the things that NEED to be said.

Thank you.

Yes… and no.

I love you.

I miss you.

I understand.

The iDaft Keyboard.  In case you are easily amused today.

(via ooliquidnightoo)

New swimsuit has been purchased.  The top and the skirt aren’t exactly the same shade of purple, but it’s close enough and I’m saved from wearing a black suit and looking like I’m undead.   AND it’s so nice to wear that cute mini skirt and be able to walk out of the pool without fishing my suit out of my crack.  That’s just not a good look.

And noooo, they aren’t maternity, but the bottoms slip under my tum tum perfectly and the top is longer than any maternity suit I’ve found, so I’m planning on just a-stretchin’ it out.  Dang, Shade suits fit AMAZING.  Oh, and through March 15th, swimwear is buy-one-get-one-half-off.  (Tip - if I wasn’t pregnant, I would be SO all over the board skirt).

I like the way the world looks right after I’ve applied mascara.

The Killers: Human There are some days where only this song will do.

The Killers:  Human

There are some days where only this song will do.

grrrrumblemumble

Crabby.  Crabby.  Should not blog.  Crabcrabcrab.

I’m fine, really.  I miss getting oxygen to my brain.  Dang pregnancy has made breathing impossible.  Also, have recently become officially fat.  Don’t believe me?

I BROKE my swimsuit yesterday.

Due to my ginormous chest, the part around my neck that keeps the suit up snapped.  I almost flashed WT’s swimming class yesterday.  Had to tie a rubber band around it to continue not flashing people.  It’s not as hot as it sounds - my butt looks like it’s actually hurting the suit.  If only I could find a maternity suit that doesn’t make you look pregnant….

My goal of getting “fat clothes” that I could wear before-showing and right-after-giving-birth-so-I’m-not-stuck-wearing-maternity-clothes-and-feeling-bad-about-myself was a bust, since I am too sick and exhausted to chase WT around a store.  Now, I have to just suck it up and pack up my wardrobe because every morning I make the mistake of thinking “this might still fit…” and when it doesn’t, I put it back in the closet.  AND THEN TRY IT ON THE NEXT DAY!!!  I’m a doofus.  But if you knew how bad my maternity clothes look - all hand-me-downs that don’t fit (I was too busy to shop last time, moving to South American and all…)

See what I mean?  Stop crabbing! 

But seriously, do you know how many times I touched poo yesterday??  

This is all I do, all day long.  Be fat, feel bad, get yelled at… GAH!!!

Yep, I should REALLY not blog today.

We chatted with some of our dearest friends in Brasil yesterday, and I missed them so much.  I even missed Brasil.  You know what I REALLY missed?

Being able to look that bad.  See how my pants are too short, my shirt doesn’t fit, and my shoes are… comfortable?  I didn’t understand what anyone was saying, I was a mess and I didn’t care.  I didn’t have my hair colored or cut for almost a year, I was always sweaty and hot and I didn’t have anything nice to wear - but honestly, neither did any of my friends.  And I was loved.  I didn’t care.

I really miss that.

Beatles: Here Comes the Sun My favorite song of all time, in honor of being able to wear flip flops and shed my coat, at least for a few days. It makes the world seem much less bleak.

Beatles: Here Comes the Sun

My favorite song of all time, in honor of being able to wear flip flops and shed my coat, at least for a few days.  It makes the world seem much less bleak.

duplicity

I feel at home, on a stage with my red fiddle, as well as in our pew in the back of the chapel at church.

And sometimes, at gigs like last night, where I’m wailing away on the strings, the thought enters my mind “I wonder if the audience would believe that in 12 hours, I’ll be a quiet church-goer.”

And then as I enter the chapel, I can’t help but think “I wonder if these people would believe that last night I had an audience on their feet, clapping and shouting as I played away on my electric violin.”

But when I’m at home, later, and I catch a glimpse of the mom starting back at me in the mirror, I have a hard time seeing either one.  I am simply a frazzled, suburban mom. 

I wonder which one WonderToddler sees?

The Office:The Musical this makes me happier than…. almost anything.

[youtube=[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOCsXFKrxJw&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b]]

I *hate* reggae, but SH insists on playing it. The evidence of this is in the fact that every time I tell WT to get up, she tells me to “stand up, stand up for your rights.” So as much as I hate this song, it akes me giggle and makes WT hop and yrll for daddy. A-dorable.

I *hate* reggae, but SH insists on playing it. The evidence of this is in the fact that every time I tell WT to get up, she tells me to “stand up, stand up for your rights.” So as much as I hate this song, it akes me giggle and makes WT hop and yrll for daddy. A-dorable.

I am God’s vessel. But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.

I am God’s vessel. But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.

Kanye West

Preach to them brother Kanye.

(via ooliquidnightoo)

HAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!

Amen.  And I mean that in the nicest way possible.

via myserendipities:quote-book:pie0:dreamsandbones

I could totally see SH trying to talk me into moving in here.

applearts

few things are sexier than the words

“Honey - the taxes are done.”

Bill Watterson = genius.

via realreason:

Calvin And Hobbes — Gocomics.com

opinionated.

In regards to the previous post with Robert Pattinson looking like a moron, it was merely in response to my feelings on his acting abilities in the Twilight movie.  Oh man… I laughed through that whole thing it was so bad…

So here, as a gift to the few of you who have been DYING to hear my take on the series, here is my about-3-years-too-late commentary:

Twilight is like rock candy.

=

Nothing but pure sugar.   No real flavor, but still satisfying if you need something diabetes-invoking sweet.  I read the books all in about a few days this past Christmas when morning sickness decided to attack 24 hours a day, and they were delightfully distracting.  What they all say is true - the writing is juvenile at best, the characters are pretty 2-D, but the story is kind of engaging and at times, SUPER HOTT.  I don’t always want a steak dinner for my brain when I read, so it totally hits my need for brain sugar.

And the relationship between Bella and Edward was exactly what 16 year old me wanted - you know when you fell for someone the first time, and being apart made you want to puke?  Man, if I had only dated a vampire who couldn’t sleep and wanted to tend to my every need when I was younger… wait, I kind of did… he was insane (legally) AND cheated on me… okay, so in theory it sucks too, but the 16 year old in me gets a sugar high from perfect non-legally insane Edward tending to Bella.

Fabulous little distraction. 

Oh, and yeah, the critics were right, that last book was REALLY poorly put together - the stories read disjointed and it didn’t feel fluid at all, didn’t have the great narrative of the previous books - but as a sugar junkie, it tied up the loose ends so I have little to complain about.  It’s not like I’M out there writing books for anyone, so I’ll shut my mouth.

Oh, and that whole part where she gives birth and it’s all bloody and creepy?  I read that on an airplane while dealing with morning sickness - I thought I’d DIE but I couldn’t stop reading - GAH!

But then, SexyHusband did the unthinkable - and took me to go see the movie.  A chick flick - I was flabbergasted, and prepared to enter a sugar coma. 

All I can say is… I’m thankful we went on the 75 cent night at the dollar movies - except SH still feels gypped.

The actors all looked the part - mostly - but I think someone forgot to find out if they could actually ACT.  Oh man, I couldn’t stop LAUGHING it was so bad (Jasper was the funniest thing I have seen in ages!).  And the lines… I know the book is written poorly, but I thought maybe they’d hire someone to fix the writing for the screenplay.  Whoops on that account.  I don’t care that it deviated from the original story line, movies all do, but that was really the best they could do?  And the makeup on the vampires - it looked like I personally with my crappy make-up abilities threw some talcum powder on their faces (but not covering the whole face) and then put some eyeliner on the bottom.

And last but not least - the one thing they got horribly wrong - and I am SHOCKED because this is the one thing Hollywood CAN do - there was absolutely no sexual tension.  It was akward and weird the whole time.  I hoped for a second when he tried to kiss her it would be remotely hott, and then bam, nope, still creepy.

And I’m incredibly disappointed at how UN-sexy Mr. Pattinson was - hence the unattractive post.    His two facial expressions were 1. Pain/Anger and 2. Blank.  Le sigh… I WANTED him to be a hunky leading man. 

At least I have my own hunky leading man.  And the books for sugar when my -brain-blood-sugar needs it.  </rant>

HAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!  THe future is looking very, very dark….

via theyahooanswers:

Submitted by: The Casual Taxpayer

YES.

(via umblthat)

I’m trying to come up with any reason to not buy this, but no such reason exists.

via iamemmathea

Jackson 5 - ABC Music to get you moving on this Monday morning. You’re welcome.

Jackson 5  -  ABC

Music to get you moving on this Monday morning.  You’re welcome.

SexyHusband just blogged almost every thought in his brain for some reason.  Involved is roach sex and poop.  Bonus: a hilarious (to me) vid of my ADD WonderToddler.

create.

The topic of today’s lesson in Relief Society (the women’s organization @ church) was on creating.  Creating beauty around you, beauty inside you, whether it be tangible or intangible things, but feeding your need to create.  Now I can create positive vibes, friendships and all those nice intangible things, but the tangible is not my lot in this life, I’ve found.

I wish I could, I really do.  I wish I could draw.  I wish I could paint.  I wish I was a skilled photographer.  I wish I could sew.  I wish I could decorate my home.  I wish I could cook.  I wish I could write (gooder).  I wish I could bedazzle.  I wish I could make furniture.  I wish I could keep ANYthing in my life neat and clean^* .

And don’t tell me that being a musician is anything to sneeze about.  I’ve been playing the violin since I was 3 (that would be 26 years for you mathmaticians) and for a gal playing that long with 2 performance degrees (and you don’t even want to KNOW the amount of school debt for them, plus the thousands spent on teachers before college), if I wasn’t at least as decent a hack as I am now, I’d say my life had been pretty wasted.  But I’m decent, so I’m safe on that count.  For now.

And the one thing I’m REALLY not skilled at is the thing I do ALL DAY LONG.  Practice makes perfect?  This is what I’m creating, for now:

I would honestly adore creating life and a fabulous little human being, PLUS having the ability to have a lovely home with all sorts of snazzy decor stuffs.  And to be able to sew, dagnabit. 

Don’t want to seem greedy, though.  I’ll takes what I gots.

*^{later in the day when I was mentioning the lesson to SexyHusband and how I have failed miserably at my attempts to “create” tangible things - he responded “You DO create, sweetie!  You create messes for people to clean up!”  It should be noted he was scrubbing the kitchen at that time while I was lounging at the table trying to drown my sorrows in a tuna fish sandwich.}