hysterical wives are the new black

I cannot express to you the joy that this picture gives me.  Happy birthday to my intraweb crush, Heidiluxe!  (Who also has a hysterical family blog as well)

You are a Tourist : DCFC “The FIRST LIVE, SCRIPTED, ONE-TAKE MUSIC VIDEO SHOOT. EVER.” (Really? Hrm…)Also, I can totally see why Ben Gibbard snagged my nemesis, Zoey Deschanel.

Saturn photobombs the moon.  Hahahaa!!

(Mom, you don’t need to text me on this one - here’s the definition -photobomb:(verb)- to drop in a photo unexpectedly…to hop in a picture right before it is taken.)

GPOYW - CHEEEEEEEEEP! edition.  We live close to a Lands’ End distribution center and twice a year or so they have this mad, mad sale open to the public.  I’ve never been…. WHY????  This insanely comfortable dress??  A DOLLAR!!!!!!  These shoes??  4 bucks and some change!!  And there’s this pair of black ballet shoes they have that I’ve been literally drooling over for YEARS - but couldn’t justify spending $40 on them.  They are so well made, so comfortable, so dreamy…  I’ll go to their website a few times a month and stare at them, hopping maybe they’ll go on sale…. and I nabbed them today for $4!!!!!!

HUZZAH!!!!!!!!

Hahahahahaaaa!!!

(via starscreamband)

word vomit

Whew.  Dangnabit… where to start?  Well, there’s me.  I’m fine.  I have a sore throat.  It’s raining outside.  No biggie.  I got to spend an entire month with my mom and I’m having serious withdrawal issues.  On the plus side, I’m back with the husband again.  The nice husband who brought me lots of awesome presents from China because he knows I like presents.  Maybe if he brings me presents next week, I won’t mind that I have to be a single parent again for 4 nights because he has to go to Seattle.  Dagnabit, I miss my mom.  Part of me hates it when he has to galavant all over the world, and part of me is like “Woohoo!!  My man is da MAN! I mean, my hubby is so important, other states and countries import him!!”  So I’ll survive.  Mostly because there are presents involved.

And then there’s the chilluns.  I have two big concerns right now.  Okay, three.  The first would be that I’m always hysterically concerned about something.  I’ve been a human for 31 years, I have many things I am proficient at.  With parenting, I have a mere 4 years of experience and I’m always running like a headless chicken about something.  Sometimes nothing.  Remember when WonderGirl wouldn’t eat for the first two years of her life?  Man, those were good times…

Now, I’m freaking out because I don’t know how to teach her to not go up to strange children in the park (who are years older than her) and start spouting off things like HIMYNAMEISWONDERGIRLANDIAM4YEARSOLDIWASBORNINBRAZILMYMOMIS

OVERTHERESOISMYBABYBROTHER*punches self in the face for absolutely no discernible reason at all*WILLYOUPLAYWITHME????????? - and then following the kids around the playground like a very verbal puppy.  Then I have to try and trick her into leaving them alone because they are seriously annoyed with her and are either trying to ignore her or they are being actively mean.

She’s such a lovable dork.  I love her.  I have no idea how to teach her to be coooool so she won’t be tormented.  No idea at all.  Mostly because I have no idea how to do that myself.

And then the Dude… he won’t talk.  He just doesn’t care.  The speech therapist came and couldn’t accurately test his understanding of language because he was always preoccupied.  She’d hand him a book, and instead of pointing to a picture of a ball, he’d turn the pages.  She asked him for a toy car, he loped off to show her how it works better on the tile than the carpet.  He listens, he makes eye contact, he responds in a simple yes or no.  But if you try to get him to do something he’s not interested in…  blah.  

He’s always been like this.  He’s content and peaceful until he needs food or sleep (or a snuggle), and then he is in yo FACE until he gets those things, and then he’s fine.  He doesn’t need to know anything else.  He’s good.

And you can tell me you know a boy who didn’t talk until he was 5 and he’s a wealthy milkman now so I shouldn’t worry at all - but maybe I should.  Maybe he does have some disability that’s delaying him and we won’t catch it until he’s older and early intervention could have helped him - there’s a chance.  So I have to figure this out now.  I have to figure everything out and then fix everything so he can be a weather man or a podiatrist someday.  But I don’t know if something needs fixing, or how to do it.  

So I’m chasing him around the house yelling “WHERE’S YOUR NOSE?!?!  FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, POINT TO YOUR NOSE!!!” and he rolls around the floor giggling because he thinks hysterical mothers look funny and I freak out further because DOESN’T HE CARE THAT THE CHART SAYS HE SHOULD BE TOTALLY EXCITED ABOUT NAMING BODY PARTS AND SAYING WORDS LIKE ‘BALL’????  THE LADY WHO CAME TO OUR HOUSE DIDN’T CARE IF HE COULD PLAY WITH THE BALL, HE HAS TO SAY IT ON COMMAND!!!  GAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Now, aside from this mom-thing where I am a complete basket case, I actually do have a few things of my own going on.  I have some sweet gigs coming up in the southeast this summer, and I’m trying to practice and write so we can record a new album beforehand.  Of course I’m ALWAYS calm and collected when I’m recording…. *insert ominous music here*

That’s what I’ve wanted to blog the last bit.  What have you been up to?

I promise, today I will write a big lengthy post about stuff.  You know, whatever is in my head that I think “I should blog about that!” but I don’t have 14 hands so I can’t.  In the meantime, here are some more outtakes from our failed attempts at Easter pictures.  I posted some semi-decent ones on the family blog.  Enjoy!

April 25th, don’t disappoint me.  I WANT TO WEAR A LIGHT JACKET.

(via leoreturns)

This is yours truly, chasing the Dude down our driveway, trying to stuff a fruit snack in his mouth.  I thought it might stop the screaming long enough to get a decent Easter picture.  Silly mommy, when the Dude wants a nap, there is NO dissuading.  And definitely no pictures.

i'm back

Settled into Wisconsin.  As settled as I’ll ever get, I mean.  Awesome pictures of my travels shall follow.  Oh, and I just spent an hour sewing my kids Easter baskets.  I’m either super hardcore, or a total moron.  I’m terrified to see what a 20 month old can do to a lovingly assembled bunch of canvas and thread…

At the children’s museum, WG found a wall with magnet words and made this sentence all by herself. Literally - the Dude had run off so I was hunting for him and when I made it back to her, she proudly showed me her handiwork.

I think she’s super cool too.

This may officially be my favorite picture ever. 

Oh, and I’m not dead, just still in Colorado, trying to keep my kids from exhausting my parents and getting to Skype every so often with the husband who is on the other side of the world.  I’m happy to not be alone in Wisconsin, happy to be surrounded by family and friends, and happy to see my kids so happy.

Life, she is nice.

And the legeeeeeeend of the rent  was way HARDCORE!!!

(via the-season-blue-remains) 

GPOYW - WG and I enjoying General Conference last fall - edition. Too pooped to take a recent pic. I’m currently feeding Lola’s babe right now. Husband is currently in China. Children are currently exhausting my already exhausted mother. Oh, and Lola’s baby is currently tooting.

But regardless, I’m still currently in Colorado, so all is good.

Okay, maybe I’m 84 years old, but my reaction? 

“Kid, you’re wearing a hoodie to General Conference??  SERIOUSLY???”

(via jeffersoncampbell:via.)

Bravo, ThinkGeek. Happy April 1st!