Wanted:

A stylist to save a poor fiddle player who has yet to look decent on stage.  Problems include no fashion sense, no idea of what is appropriate for her body type, too cheap to want to spend over $20 on any single item of clothing, especially since her weight changes so frequently who KNOWS if anything will fit 2 shows in a row, and the fact that she is taller than everyone else in the band and her poor choices are resulting in her looking like a creepy Amazon woman.  Compensation will be in macaroni and cheese, this being the only meal the fiddler can actually make.  Please call 555-UGGO between 5:32pm and 5:35pm on the second Tuesday of the first month after a full moon if interested.