Wednesday, August 19, 2015

this picture has no connection to any of the content of this post.

We are in Texas.  School starts next week.  The Dude turned 6 and I inadvertently invited 30 children over to my house for a party.  I did not know 90% of them, but that's neither here nor there.  I am a veteran of accidentally inviting hoards of children to birthday parties.

I will get back to regular sporadic blogging once school starts.  Spoiler alert: I'll be a blubbery mess.

PS - Our Wisconsin house is under contract again and should be closing in the next weeks... fingers crossed!

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Till we meet...

I can tell myself how wonderful it is that she's no longer in pain.  I can tell myself how thankful I am for the knowledge that she is wildly happy to be with her ancestors.  I can tell myself how wonderful it is that we are all sealed together for eternity.

But it doesn't stop the ache when my kids cry for her.  At least I'm comforted by the fact that they have a lifetime of examples of a wonderful Nana to inspire them.  Me too.

Monday, July 13, 2015

summer 2015

I'm filling out an application for a rental property in Houston right now, and some of the questions are... personal.  My credit history I get, but my height and weight?

When we last met, my summer was roaring towards some sort of plan.  The actual application of the plan has been a little messy.  We had a contract on the house in Wisconsin and an idea of what house house we were going to buy in Texas.  But then buyers couldn't get funding and that fell through, so the house is still on the market and the likelihood of finding one in Texas is kinda looking like mission impossible.

So that's up in the air.  But I'm here in Colorado with my parents, trying to keep the kids from freaking out.  They miss the home they knew and are scared about the new one.  I can't blame them.  I'm also trying to help them understand what hospice is and why Nana (husband's mom) is there, and that she won't be on earth for very long.  Heck, I'm trying to understand that for myself.

There have been so many tender mercies along the way this summer - and all in all, there are adventures being had and happy memories being made.  But I wonder what what I'll recall about this summer when I look back years from now.  I hope I can still recall the good memories over all the big scary tornado-y winds.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

road trip

Current location : somewhere in Tennessee.

Destination : a wee bit of Georgia for my 8th year as a Blarney Girl at the Scottish festival up in the freaking gorgeous north Georgia mountains.

Next up : back to Wisconsin to pack like a fiend for just under 2 weeks.

And then : head to Colorado for a month to hang with my parents.   (AWESOMESAUCE)

And then then : to Texas,  where we hope all will be good with the nice house we're buying with an orange tree in the back.

Also of note : the husband cut my hair and it was actually really good.

Also also : cross your fingers please? Here's to hoping for smooth sailing...

Also also also : I need to buy shorts.. I'm already dying in 80 degrees. If anyone has tips on how to survive a southern summer,  I'm all ears.

Monday, May 18, 2015

sweet release

Yesterday, in anticipation of our move, the hubs was released as bishop of our ward.  Of course, I bawled all morning. I was unprepared for the mad rush of feels for the ways he has been strengthened and we have been blessed.  I also didn't realize how chaotic the norm had been until after the meeting was all over.  It's hard to explain, but I'd gotten used to not having a husband at church. I don't mean that in a negative way - I learned that the best thing I could do for him was to stay back and give him space to let him do what he needed to do.  In the process, I was crazy blessed with help from those around me.

And then all of the sudden, I had him back.  The weight he had been carrying was visibly gone.  I can't even describe it - it really was something I could see as much as sense.  He got home and rested for the first time in so long that I can't even remember.  I'm grateful for the journey.  I'm also grateful for the little breaks along the way.

Now if someone would just get on up and buy our house, we could get on to the next adventure... (I'm also tired of keeping it "show" clean.  NOT NATURAL.)

Monday, May 11, 2015


Womanhood and motherhood look different in every woman.  I've met many who just seem to take to it like a duck to water, but after being a mom for so long, I've learned that it's a crazy endeavor for everyone anyways.  To anyone who has been reading this since I started this motherhood thing, it's pretty obvious I was not a duck.  I'm still not a duck, but I'm getting closer.  Motherhood was not something that has come naturally to me, and that's even before the insane breastfeeding psychosis and mental problems that are kept at bay by a large amount of daily medications (and chocolate).

That being said, I've been blessed far beyond what I deserve.  For all the mistakes and messes I've made of these poor kids' lives, they came to me brilliant and resilient to compensate.  I mean, for someone who clearly did not have any idea or inclination of how to be a mom, I sure did end up with some freaky awesome humans.

And that is why I believe in God.  He knows me, He knows them, and He is with us.  I can't do this on my own, but with Him, we are doing it.

Happy Uterus Awareness Day!

Sunday, May 3, 2015

status update

I'm in Houston scouting out the scene this weekend with the hubs and my sainted,  perfect, amazing, incredible, awesomesauce mom is watching the kids back in Wisconsin.

We skyped briefly this afternoon and I asked if they were being good to Gamma. They agreed that she was,  but then added this :

WonderGirl: But she doesn't like marshmallows!
The Dude: She's trying to kill us!

Sounds about right. 

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Letters to my daughter #5

I have to write this down before I forget.  I want to remember it and I want you to have this to look back on someday if you are lucky enough to have an amazing kid like I do.


When I picked you up from school yesterday, you looked worried.

"I had to go to the nurse today.  When I bit into my sandwich at lunch, my loose tooth got twisted around and really hurt."

"Ugh, I'm sorry.  What did she do?"

"She gave me some ice."  You paused. "She told me there was no such thing as the tooth fairy."

Mental note: write strongly-worded note to school nurse. "What did you say?"

"I told her I already knew that." Another pause. "You and dad are the tooth fairy, right?"

Oh, those questions.  You've probably noticed that I've been dodging them for a while.  Remember, I've never been a mom before so everything you're experiencing for the first time as a kid, I'm experiencing for the first time as a mom.  That means I'm just starting to figure these things out... so I punted.

"You should ask dad."

Later on, your tooth got realllly twisted and you were bleeding and screaming and crying, and I couldn't help but smile.  I'm so sorry, I know you were scared.  But it was really kind of funny and if I'd been heartless enough to film it instead of get you ice and some tissues, you would have watched it later and laughed too.  And then as fast as your screaming started, the tooth simply fell out and the drama was over. (for you, anyway.)

You decided to slip it under your pillow, just in case.

This morning I was woken up by your beautiful face and a gold dollar that you held up to my nose.  This time, you were not to be deterred.

"Did you do this?  I mean, there's no such thing as the tooth fairy, right?  Right?"

I took a deep breath.

"Raising kids is a huge job for moms and dads, right?"  You nodded.  You were finally going to get answers and were not about to interrupt.

"One of our jobs is to help you believe in magic. We have to help you grow an imagination that can do amazing things for the world. One of the ways we help you believe you in magic is by being a little magic ourselves.  Does that make sense?"

Emphatic nodding accompanied by the sweetest, most understanding smile.

"Being the tooth fairy helps us to be just a little magical.  Can you let us be magical?"

Fast nodding.

"So this world-wide conspiracy of the tooth fairy is - "

"Actually not worldwide," you interjected. "In Russia for example, there's this mouse that - "

"Fine, this household-wide conspiracy is to help bring some imagination and magic to our family.  Can you help me keep the magic going?  Don't tell the boys yet?"

"Yes," you smiled even wider.

"Will you let me keep being the tooth fairy?" I asked.

"Yes," you said. You gave me a hug and made me feel magical.  Thank you so much for that.  That's one of the things I hadn't expected to enjoy quite so much as a parent.  I thought I'd feel left out because there was no fairy bringing ME stuff anymore, but for some crazy reason, being the fairy is even better.

You continued - "and just because it's magic doesn't mean it's imaginary.  Like this one dragon that has adapted to live in Antarctica.."

At this point I can't remember all the details, but you went on a dragon tangent while I dragged myself out of bed to be the Breakfast Fairy and the Lunch Packing Fairy.

And then, you were nice enough to pose for about 20 pictures until I got it right (sorry it takes me so many tries.  This is just another thing I'm learning).

I really wanted to remember this moment.  Thank you.

I love you so much it's kind of redonkulous.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

moving update

SO.  We're listing the house.  That means it has to be clean.  CLEAN.  I DO NOT DO CLEAN.  This might just kill me.

We've been attempting to take pictures of the house in the brief moments when things are clean.  Behold, a picture of our kitchen that isn't a disaster:

Of course, this is what the room next to it looked like:


My superawesome mom is coming this weekend to watch the humans I spawned so the hubs and I can head out to check out the area we've decided to focus our house/school hunt on in Houston.  I've actually never even been to Houston.  Ever.  And I'm kind of sort of terrified.  Because a few years ago we went to Austin to scope things out when there was a job offer out there, and I can't say I cared for it.  I know everyone says Austin is the best part of Texas, but I lived in Denton (north TX) for 5 years and Austin looked a lot like Denton to me.  Wonderful people, uuuuugly landscape.  And the houses are on top of each other.

My current view and house are pretty ideal.  Nice big yard, at the end of a street, across from a park, safe neighborhood?  I don't know if I can count on getting any of those in our price range in Houston.  Ulp.

Wish me luck.  Please.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

GPOYW - hairy

I'm aware that these pictures are no help at all, but I've taken to lightening my hairs.  Behold, a Cousin It view:

Oh man, I just realized my kids will almost definitely never get that reference.  At what age is the Addams Family knowledge cut-off??

Anywho, I'm still firmly commited to this whole letting myself go thing, but the hubs has some crazy notion that I should try at least a little and maintain a decent haircut/style.  I'm really against it because having kids and trying to get to a salon has become a nightmare in the last few years, and I'd rather look like a vagrant than go through trying to carve out time and childcare for something as useless as hair.  I mean, it's a bunch of dead cells that no matter what you do, will always change.  It keeps growing out or falling out, and then there's the stress of hoping your stylist (if you can find a decent one) can create something decent and that's always a crapshoot and gaahhhh.  I'm getting panicked just typing about it.

Boo on you, hair.

But the other week, the hubs came home with this tube of Summer Lights Hair Lightening Gelee that promised to be low stress and gradual. 
 It's this gel you put on your hair and leave it in - and the sun and/or a hairdryer helps it lighten a wee bit.  Kind of like the whole lemon juice idea, but it has hydrogen peroxide in it too.  I've used it for a week and half now, and it looks like I've hit the lightest my hair will go on it - it's lighter with a tinge of strawberry blonde.  I tried taking a picture of it last weekend but it didn't capture the lightness so much.  My eyes, however, looked super awesome, so let's take a moment and enjoy my eyeballs.

Let's try this one more time with a little less It vibe:

No makeup whatsover.  Or a bra, for that matter.  See?  I'm totally fine with looking like a crazy person.  Speaking of, my cool SIL asked if I'd do a capsule wardrobe challenge with her - that thing where you only have 37 items of clothing and they all coordinate so you waste less time getting ready or shopping, and get rid of stuff you don't wear anyway.  It sounds great, but then I realized I already kind of do that.  I just wear ill-fitting t-shirts and jeans, because jeans are safe (meaning my kids can't pull them up or down like a skirt... I've been exposed so many times at church... blarg.) and they're going to end up stained or ripped anyway, even though I HATE WOMEN'S TEE SHIRTS.  I have a torso, people!!  If you are going to be putting out only low rise jeans, for the love of Pete, make the shirts longer so we aren't constantly yanking our tops down or our pants up.  GAH.  So I pretty much just walk around slightly annoyed all the time, until bedtime when I put on snuggly pants.  And I haven't hit the point where I'll wear those in public - mostly because there are far too many holes in them.  But sooooo snuggly.

What was I talking about? 

Hair.  So anyway, my hair is slightly lighter.  Woohoo.  This has been a lovely little break, but back to going through the house freaking out that I'll never get it clean enough for a showing and we'll never sell it and I'll end up living in a van down by the river.  In Houston.  Blarg.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015


GPOYW - SO.TWO. edition.  Having a toddler is like being in a abusive relationship.  I know he doesn't mean it personally, but it's hard not to feel battle worn after carrying a screaming-kicking-mess though the Pierce's parking lot because he wants to run unassisted, right into traffic.  The thing is, there is nothing more endearing or wonderful than a two year old who is getting what he wants and is laying the charm on thick.  I LOVE YOU!  I HATE YOU AND EVERYTHING ON EARTH! Life becomes a little more tolerable when you just accept that all toddlers are bipolar.

But I've come out the other end and I know that this stage ends.  And someday when they see the Sesame Street logo, they won't say this:

A video posted by Jared Paget (@jaredpaget) on
I might miss this.  Might.

Monday, April 13, 2015

i gurfed.

Hey, so remember how my last post was all "I'm so stressed about moving that I'm nauseous!" - well, it turns out I was stressed because I WAS nauseous.  I was trying to write something to take my mind of my anxiety and I just kept feeling worse.  I thought it was because I was stressed or hungry, so I ate a ton and tried to breathe calmly, but that didn't help either.

It turns out the best cure was actually throwing up.  Apparently I had a 24 hour bug (Thing 3 got it too) and I didn't realize I was sick so I just assumed I was stressed because hello, this is me.

So I feel much better today!  Stress is waayyy better than bugs.

Other things of note:

I just picked the Dude up from school and realized he'd been wearing his pants backwards.  All day.  This was nowhere near the first time, but usually it's sweatpants so it's not obvious.  Today was totally obvious - they had back pockets.  That were on his front.

A friend insisted on coming over today and helped me paint and clean for FOUR HOURS.  There are a few walls that aren't totally terrifying anymore!  I want to be that kind of friend.  She has an older daughter who can watch the younger kids, and homeschools too - all 5 of them.  Also they have a farm with chickens, a massive lavender crop and gazillion other things going on.  I don't think I'll ever hit that kind of awesome level, but darn it, I'm so thankful for examples of awesome humans who maybe, juuuust maybe I'll be able to emulate someday.

I realized I have no shorts.  We're moving to Houston.  Would someone please direct me to where to shop for new clothes for a humid environment??  They have to fit every single one of these criteria:

Modest (LDS).
Not too nice so I won't feel bad if they get boogers and peanut butter on them.
Not too expensive so I won't feel bad if they get boogers and peanut butter on them.
I mean it.
Seriously, I hate all clothes because they never cover all my torso and I'm always bending over, crawling after kids and readjusting my shirts all the time and I haaaaaaate it.

Have a nice Monday with stress caused by actually stressy things other than stomach bugs!