3 month moment

When I was in high school, one of my dearest friends was killed in a car accident.  A few of us convereged on one friend’s house for a few days to cry, eat, and repeat.  At one point we were all contemplating what had happened and started making leaps of reasoning such as “My shirt is blue and now I’m blue - maybe I KNEW this was going to happen today and I subconsciously put on a blue shirt this morning just to be READY to be blue…”  As if that wasn’t far-reaching enough, our logic got even nuttier, until my friend’s mom stopped us and told us -  

“Don’t go looking for coincidences - you’ll always find them.  And they usually won’t mean a thing.”

I’ve never forgotten those words.  They reign me in when my brain starts going berserk.  But something I haven’t been able to shake this pregnancy is how everything was fine last time until that phone call during my 3rd month, telling me SexyHusband had been laid off.  From then, my life was a whirlwind of confusion, packing boxes and visas.  The 3 months prior had seemed so perfect - getting ready to nest and settle in our little house and start a family, and then it was a case of finding normalcy and peace in living our nutty lives out of a suitcase, and preparing to give birth in a foreign country.

Aside - I do NOT regret moving to Brasil, giving birth there, living there, etc.  In fact some days I miss it so much I surprise myself.  It was just what needed to happen for WonderToddler and our family and I’m so thankful it did.

But I can’t help thinking - what’s going to be my 3 month wake-up call this time?  I try to tell myself there won’t be one, but crazy brain persists.

Then there were layoffs at SH’s company today.  He still has a job - but it leaves us in serious doubt about the future there, and how stable everything is.  Heck, in the past week well over 80,000 people have been laid off all over the US.  No one is immune to the “downturn.”  I look around our home that I love and wonder - how long will all this last?  Will I be here when baby #2 comes?  Where will THIS ride take me?

I’m 12 weeks along.  Dagnabit, I had just one week until I was safely in 4 month territory.