this is a NO CHEERING UP zone.

I can’t blog.  And it’s your fault.  There’s too many nice people out there.  People who want to say “It’s okay!  It will be fine!  I’ve been there, too!”

I don’t want to hear it, I just need to simmer in my shock, by how at no fault of my own, I was convinced that I was having a girl.  That after growing up as the girl who didn’t fit in with all her brothers, I was going to get to give WT a sister to grow up with.  I don’t care if you have sisters and it was hard - all I can vouch for is feeling seriously left out when most of my adult girlfriends have sisterly bonds and I have brothers who get together and can commiserate about things I have NO clue about.  So I end up standing on tables screaming “LOOKITME!!! LOOKITME!!!” for attention.

You think I’m kidding.  Ask my brothers what happens every Thanksgiving dinner.

I’ve been flipping out (because if you haven’t guessed, it’s a BOY in my stupid uterus)- thinking about how I’ve never even LIKED any little boys I’ve met.  They smell and hit my daughter.  But then, I actually don’t like any kids, come to think of it.  So that’s unfair.  And I didn’t reaalllllyyyy like WT until she was older and out of the Screaming Non-Stop, Puking On Me All The Time, Wouldn’t Eat Anything Or Even Take A Bottle Unless We Had Her Crying Or Sitting In A Closet, and the Not Sleeping phases.  I don’t think I REALLY fell in love with her until last Thanksgiving when she had the stomach flu and in between throwing up all night, sweetly asked for some water.  You know how marvelous it is to be TOLD what’s going on, and not having to decipher what “KLJHGDJHAAAAAHHH!!!!” means?!?!

So regardless of gender, we all know it will be a good long while before I feel in control or in any way well-adjusted anyway.  Or like the kid.  And please, do not tell me having boys is fun, or that you think I’ll be a good mom to one OR that I could just get pregnant AGAIN on the off-chance that it’ll be a girl (that. is. insane).  Just “dang, I’m sorry things didn’t go the way you planned!”  That’s all I need.  I’ll let you know when I WANT cheering up.

Also, we all knew this, but it’s all SexyHusband’s fault.  Grrrrrr.

Oh, and since WonderToddler is my carbon copy, there’s also a good chance this boy will be a punk know-it-all like SexyHusband.  Let’s add that to the list of why I’m FLIPPING OUT.