And then there’s the Dude.

So the last 2 times I went to my mommy group thingy, I sucked it up and put the Dude into the nursery.  He was the age of the other babies, and he was starting to get antsy in our meetings.  Of course I was a wreck, picturing how destitute he would be without me - I even cried.  Then when I rushed back after the meeting, I found the caregivers had actually been arguing over who got to hold him.  All the other kids cried and fought about, and he was smiling big the whole time, just happier than happy.  It’s his default setting.

It’s no secret that I wanted 3 girls.  Right in a row.  Two of my best friends come from families of 3 girls and I always envied their friendship.  I know life with sisters isn’t all roses, but there are good moments and oh, it was something I wished I’d had.  I have 3 brothers.  Sigh…  I wanted a girl for my girl.  I wanted this little girl who was remarkably like me to have what I always wanted.  I’d have boys after that, I promised God.  You just send me the girls - at least one more - and I’ll have a boy.  Yup, so with that letter sent to heaven, I decided to get pregnant.  

And the the ultrasound… we just won’t go there.  I had this whole life planned out for me and my two girls, and it was suddenly gone.  I don’t do well with my plans being dashed.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want a boy, I just didn’t want him yet.

* And let’s face it, they are gross.  And pee with aim.  Ug.*

Once I let go of that little world, I got ready for two kids.  I had other things to think about, the recession and unemployment, selling the house, moving, etc.  I was just trying to figure out how to survive.  I didn’t think about him as an actual person until he actually showed up.

And then he was here.  I was so wrong.  We didn’t need a girl, we needed HIM.  How did we live without his smile?  Every day, every thing delights him because he’s just so genuinely thrilled to be here on earth.  No strings attached, it’s all wonderful in his eyes.  Do you know how marvelous it is to have someone like that around all the time??  All he wants to do is gaze into your eyes and grin.  All day long, if he can talk you into it.

As soon as he was born another nickname popped out of my mouth.  (I’m not much for nicknames, but the two I have for my kids were completely involuntary). Without thinking, I started calling him BuddyBuddy.  The sound of Buddy repeated makes a happy bumping sound that he loves, but mostly he’s Buddy because he’s my friend.  He so genuinely loves you, he’s such a kind, safe friend.  My midwife commented on my silly nickname and I tried to explain it while she nodded knowingly.  ”I have one of those.  The moment I had one of my sons, I knew he would always take care of me.”

I feel the same way.  God gave me my dramatic WonderGirl for the one part of me that needed her, and He gave me my Dude to give me smiles when I desperately need them.

So I’m just sayin’… I have incredible kids.  I don’t know if I deserve them, but regardless, I’ll do my darndest.  So.  Awesome.