Let’s face it, I’m not through with being the “new girl.” I did that in elementary school, high school, college, grad school, and then a whooole lotta times with all our crazy moves - it never ends. Wherever I go, I meet people who have been there since birth. Graduated high school there. Plan on raising their kids there, etc. This perplexes Husband and I. How on earth does one manage to stay employed in the same place their whole life? I mean, how is that even possible?? More power to ‘em. Not our lot, apparently.
My community is my church, so everywhere I move, that’s my place. Handy thing about being Mormon, you don’t have to choose your church. I already did that at 8. Now I just go wherever the ward boundaries are. I’ve been to wards all over the world and we’re all the same. And gaaahhhh. Every time we move (how about this adorable tidbit, when we close on the house in a few weeks it will be our 9th address in 5 years of marriage. We’re movers and shakers we are.) I get to walk into church and hope I make some of those you-can-drop-in-anytime-my-kids-dig-your-kids-and-let’s-go-shopping! friends. And how easy is it to do that?? It takes about 2 years I’ve noticed, which is right about when we move.
So after coming back from yet another thing where I feel awkward and lonely, I decided I could hide in my bed and cry, a proven winner, or just accept I’m going to be the new kid many many many times and I need to find some coping techniques that’ll work the next time, and the time after that. Yes, everyone already has friends. They’ll have them long after I leave. I shouldn’t let it get me down, but everyone looks so comfortable and I’m so good at making people uncomfortable.
*I have this adorable trait where when I’m trying to make small talk with people I don’t know well and things are just getting all weird, my brain goes “This seems awkward, I should just go ahead and say the craziest thing I’m thinking. Just go for broke.” I have NO idea why I do it. It’s like a compulsion.*
No sense having to learn the same lesson over and over and all that, gotta figure it out now. I wish I was an introvert like Husband, but the longer I go without interaction with other people, the more exhausted and crazy I get. It drains my batteries, whereas a good conversation makes me feel like the Bionic Woman.
After thinking all day yesterday, I couldn’t come up with a answer. We (the family) were driving around town last night and dropped off a gift at a church person’s place. After hello, here it is, it was clear we’d overstayed out welcome. Then on a whim stopped by a friend’s place to drop a book off. A nice Brasilian lady from church who lives with her mother and daughter. They shooed us in and we gabbed and the girls played. I yammered on in my crappy Portuguese with the grandmother until she got up and started baking us goodies. I think we were there for a good hour or so, and when we left, they followed us to the car, giving us hugs and kisses along the way. Quite the difference from our first stop with the Americans, but so very typical of all our Brasilian friends. It’s just what they do. Just like the lovely women who kept WG and I alive when we were down south… And I felt FULL again. All charged up, ready to attack. Even the dishes.
So I think my solution should be to find a Brasilian everywhere I move. Funny - the one American I know who comes close to that mad love and acceptance is WonderGirl, who is also a Brasilian citizen. I’ll take her along then ;)
Bah. If YOU have the perfect solution for being the new kid, please share.
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