throwback thursday

Today’s vintage entry (sounds all classy that way;) is from March 2, 2006, the day I had my first ultrasound of WonderGirl and realized this parenting thing was actually happening.  Although I had personally scheduled it all for the next year.  Silly fate.

I’m pregnant.

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Rewind a few weeks. Jared and I had spent all morning in a plane coming home from Colorado visiting my family. I’d been feeling odd and my period was being even weirder.

“Just take the test,” Jared kept saying as we flew home. “You’ll feel better if you know whether or not that is the reason you feel bad.”

We got in and were exhausted and feeling like we’d spent 3 hours in a plane. I love home but I hate the flight there, ug. So we hopped in the shower and were going to take a nap. Jared always takes shorter showers than me, I’ve got lots to do in there (why does that sound bad??;) so he left and I finished up and as I got out… I just snapped. I didn’t think about it, I didn’t freak out, I just got the test out of the cabinent and took it.

You’re supposed to wait a few minutes to see the results, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. One line means no, 2 lines mean yes.

That second line started showing up… darker and darker. I just kept staring at it, breathing heavier and heavier. The tears came and I couldn’t stop, I just stared at the lines and hyperventilated.

I ran into the office, still wet from my shower, no towel and crying hysterically (how’s that for a visual?). Jared turned from his computer, worried (but not too worried, I tend to freak out about insane things regularly).

“What is it??” he asked.

“There’s… two lines…”

Jared looked far from calm now. “What does that mean??” He jumped up and stood in front of me. “What does that mean??”

I couldn’t answer, I just sobbed. That was answer enough, and he wrapped his arms around me and just held me, tears in his eyes. He wiped my tears and told me he loved me.

Eventually I put on some clothes. I’ve been in a haze for weeks. I wasn’t expecting this at all. I’ve been in denial, mostly.

But today, I saw the heartbeat. I saw the jelly bean in my tummy wiggle.

I don’t know if I’m ready for this. I don’t know anything that I’m supposed to know. Except that I’m terrified. There’s nothing I can do but smile and accept this. And whatever my present mental state…

I have the most wonderful partner in the world to help me care for…

OH.

MY.

GOSH.

I’m so knocked up right now.