Friday, August 27, 2010

brain mumblings

Cannot SLEEP.  Today was insanely productive and also unproductive and my brain refuses to turn off.  It is in fact, running through the first page of Fritz Kreisler’s Praeludium and Allegro over and over and arguing about fingerings.  I wish I was kidding.  stupid brain, just stay in third position and extend.  noooo, you can’t really sell the vibrato if you do the harmonic! ug.  Also, this is what else is in my head:


Have I ever mentioned that my day can be made or broken based solely on the chance that I can sucessfully get WonderGirl to eat something healthy?


I have a lot of bad days.


This morning, I made applesauce muffins from scratch.  I let WG help.  I thought they were kind of gross, but she ate TWO.  THERE WAS BRAN IN THERE.


Then, drunk on power, I made a smoothie with bananas, berries and milk and put flax seed in it. SHE TOOK FOUR SIPS.  (and then I froze them and she ate a smoothie popsicle as dessert after dinner.  FLAX SEED.  DUDE.)


Now completely hammered on awesome parenting, I talked a teenager from church into coming and playing with my kids all day long so I could clean something.  Anything.  Just one room.


It took me over 5 hours to clean the kitchen.  REALLY.  REALLY CLEAN.


It looks like someone else’s kitchen.  I scrubbed places I didn’t even know existed.  Do people with clean houses actually take toothbrushes to every teeny tiny vent and corner and edge to make them look that clean???  I even scrubbed the KitchenAid.  Is that normal????  It’s sparkling.


I couldn’t stop.  I have never, EVER in my life been that driven to clean.  I’d swear it was nesting except I am so most definitely not pregnant.


I couldn’t have done it if someone else hadn’t been there tending the booboos and playing with the kids.  The second I focus on anything other than them, the Dude will faceplant somewhere and WonderGirl will nearly decapitate herself while running up the stairs.  (she actually did that today.)


This is why I can’t play violin.  Or do anything else other than mother.  I cannot think about anything else when I play, and when I don’t have my mind trained on the wee ones, they nearly kill themselves.  I have two of the klutziest children, I swear.  


It’s probably because I cannot multitask.  I think I could be a good housewife (minus the cooking) if I had no children, or job to occupy any other portion of my brain.  As it is, I stretch out my brain to include wife, mother, housewife (violin isn’t included any more - I rarely have the chance of solitude to even get it out of the case), and I’m pretty meh at all three.  When I am an awesome mom, my house is a wreck.  When I’m a good wife, my kids feel left out.  When I am a good housewife, I have to pay someone to take the mom spot because I simply can’t do both.


But oh… today… the kids were happy (though I could tell the Dude knew I wasn’t there mentally for him, he got very clingy tonight), the sitter insisted on sending the hubs and I out on a date for dinner in his “new” 30 year old jeep he bought sight unseen on eBay (it’s actually kind of awesome) and during their baths tonight I scrubbed and cleaned two bathrooms.


Then, I pulled out my Satin Hands set that my mom got for me back when I was in grad school, battling tendonitis.  I scrubbed and rubbed my raw fingers with the gooey, luxurious cremes and felt my mother giving me a big hug and an “I’m so proud of you.”  


Ug, but now, my brain will not stop.  Why??  Heck, I even snuck carrots into WG’s lunch!  I can’t stop scheming how to get someone to come play at my house all day and distract my children so I could clean another room.  Maybe even two.  Oh, what a castle we could live in if I wasn’t always concerned about loving and nurturing my offspring.


It’s totally worth it to live in a pigsty, though.  I really missed them today.  But, I do have a clean kitchen.  That’s so weird.

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