dear "sir":

I’m just warning you, Wisconsin.  I know you are planning on snowing soon.  I get that.  It’s what you do.  But with David Hasselhoff as my witness, I promise you I will go berserk.  I grew up in Colorado, I know snow.  Your snow is not snow.  It is a white tomb of HORRIBLE that descends on the ground and doesn’t relent until March.  I.  Hate. This. “Snow.”  GRHRHKJHEKJWHE.  Oh, and lucky me, right around the time it is supposed to show up is right when the one person in the household who knows how to use the snowblower is heading to China.  Yeah, China.  You’ll probably win the first round, “snow,” as I will be trapped in the house for an entire week.  But there will be a round two, and I’d watch your back if I were “you.”  I have a hairdryer and I am NOT afraid to use it.