A while back, delightsandshadows had a gorgeous baby. There had been previous pregnancies that hadn’t made it to term so the birth of Mini was/is truly a wonderful thing. After she’d climbed out of that huge just-had-a-baby-my-entire-life-is-upside-down haze, she posted the most beautifully written description of that transition into motherhood that I have ever read. (She’s a psychotherapist. Seriously awesome brain.) The most accurate and honest - just reading it made me understand myself better. It’s called Grieving the Dream and I think I’ll print it out and hand it to every expecting mother I know. It’s not negative, it’s not fluff. It’s just not easy stuff and it’s good to know that it happens, whether we plan on it or not.
(incidentally, the comment by “another mom” at the bottom of the post is PERFECT.)
So this last week, apparently she received an e.mail from a reader disagreeing with allowing herself to grieve her previous life as she embarked on a new one because of how much work it took to finally have this baby. She responded to it beautifully.
Sometimes people tell me they are proud of me for my honesty when I talk about how hard this has all been. And I get confused. Why not be honest? Why not talk about how hard it is? Why on earth wouldn’t you talk about this?? I honestly have no idea why a person would find fault with someone for talking about the reality of this all. It’s not bad, it’s not horrible, but it’s not easy for everyone. It doesn’t make it any less worth it. It’s not easy to build a house but it’s awesome to not be homeless…. Okay, I’ll leave the fancy analogies to everyone else. I’ll handle the brutal honesty.