The Dude’s 18 month checkup could not have gone worse. Really. Although, he didn’t cut his head open on the doctor’s desk this time, so that’s nice.
He was still covered in this allergic reaction rash, and completely loopy on Benadryl, so being forced to stay in a small room and be told you may NOT eat the stirrups on the exam table was pure torture. He is usually the biggest charmer and entrances the nurses to the point that they even forget to check some things because they are so busy flirting with him. This time… not so much. He was someone else. And when they went through the list of milestones, I was so distracted that I answered them if he WILL, and not if he CAN. Like, ”If you give him a crayon and paper, will he scribble or draw on the paper?” So I said no - because he EATS the crayon so fast. I have no earthly idea if he would. They asked if he eats with a fork and spoon. Well, he can - I’ve let him - and he was remarkably deft with that spoon, but once he realized he had that skill down, he moved on to making the utensil his newest weapon, and hairbrush. I feed him the squishy stuff to make it easier on everyone involved. So when they asked that question, all I could think of over his screaming was yogurt-covered hair and I said no. GAH.
They asked me if he’d stack blocks - and I said no, since I’ve only ever seen him smash them. Although today as we were sitting in the toy room, after WonderGirl was fed up with the Dude pushing all of her blocks down and started playing with something else, the Dude looked around, realized there was nothing left for him to demolish…. so he picked up a block, put it on top of another one and smacked the heck out them. So apparently he CAN.
They asked if he would point to a body part if you named it. My mind went blank - I’d forgotten to teach him that. Seriously, I’ve been obsessed with getting him to do the Itsy Bitsy Spider. The doctor asked him to show him his nose, and in his MARVELOUS mood the Dude looked at him and said the most distainful “….nooooooooo…… you’ve ever heard.
Oh, and then they gave him a shot and took some blood out of his finger. He was an angry, bloody Tazmanian devil. The best/worst part was all the nurses looking at my struggling with coats, his spastic self, bags and paperwork like they’d never seen someone try to go out in public with a toddler. When he ripped off the shoddy “bandaid” right after the nurse put it on - she seemed surprised and almost annoyed at my obvious lack of control of my child. Thankfully another nurse who has an 18 month old came to my aid and taped all his fingers together. Oh MAN he was mad, but that bandaid stayed on for a whole 5 minutes!
I came home, sat on the floor and sobbed. The Dude was now running around, happy as a clam because he was free to roam and there was no one around to be appalled at my parenting. I wondered what I was doing wrong. He’s not as advanced as WonderGirl so obviously he has delays that I’m not addressing and because of this, I am officially the worst mother in the universe.
I looked at him happily gnawing on the couch and asked him for a hug. He lit up,rushed to me and wrapped his little arms around me, and then tried to give me a kiss, but mostly ended up mauling my face.
The kid’s aiiight. Can I have a do over appointment??
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