nothing to see here, keep it moving, folks
I always knew I needed to have more than one child. I felt if I was really going to have a family, I was going to work through my crazy and go all out. Give my kids someone to commiserate in with in therapy when they grow up and realize their mother was a complete lunatic.
Of course, once I became a parent it became VERY clear that I had my work cut out for me. Physically, chemically, emotionally, I’ve found I had challenges I had previously not imagined. I’m thanking my lucky stars that that’s ALL I’ve had to deal with. I know it could be much, much worse.
So anywho, when WonderGirl was about 18 months I started praying to know when the right time to add to my brood would be. I just asked when the right time was, that was all. And I didn’t get an answer for a while, but when I did I knew it was right. As scary as it was to go though the horror that was becoming a mom the first time around - oh, and and us having to up and move AGAIN during my last trimester, I felt peace. I knew it was right.
The timing was perfect for WonderGirl. She was potty trained, and was ready to go to daycare 2 mornings a week so I could have some time to learn all about the Dude. It was an adjustment, but like I said, God’s timing has a way of being just right.
The Dude is a whole different animal. He has other strengths that I’m just discovering. When I look at where WG was at his age, and where he is, the difference is shocking - but at the same time, I’ve been there for his progress and I see his pace - it’s not as fast, but every day I can actually watch him use all his mental and physical energy to break though and accomplish or learn something new. It’s like watching the strength of a mountain climber - and I’m in awe. He is amazing.
I’ve been praying to know if this is it. The Dude needs a lot more hands-on involvement to learn which I LOVE to do bytheby, and the thought of having a baby while I’m working my brains out trying to get him consistently verbal makes my head spin. I pray to know what I should do - and I’m not getting any answers. I feel like I’m climbing the mountain along with the Dude, and we aren’t to a resting point yet. It’s close, I can TASTE it, but we’re not there and I have no idea when we will be.
(aside - remember how I got WG’s first consistent words to be “please” and “thank you” because I’m one tough broad? He’s there!!!! He says “Thanks Mom!” about 600 times a day without prompting, without begging - and SO cheerfully… I feel like I’ve won an Olympic medal, seriously.)
I’m just typing this out because I needed to see it. Having another one is still very much an option, but I sure wish I could get a clear answer. Something like opening up my scriptures one day and reading “And behold, I decree that my servant Reva shall only be allowed two children to traumatize.” I’d be totally okay with that. Or “Yea, verily I say, Reva needeth to have another child, despite her obvious mental instability.” Or even “Patience - thy Dude shall be prepared for a new sibling on such-and-such date, so stoppeth the freaking and chillax.” I’m cool with all of these options.
That’s not helping.