Tuesday, August 23, 2011

nothing to see here, keep it moving, folks

I always knew I needed to have more than one child.  I felt if I was really going to have a family, I was going to work through my crazy and go all out.  Give my kids someone to commiserate in with in therapy when they grow up and realize their mother was a complete lunatic.  


Of course, once I became a parent it became VERY clear that I had my work cut out for me.  Physically, chemically, emotionally, I’ve found I had challenges I had previously not imagined.  I’m thanking my lucky stars that that’s ALL I’ve had to deal with.  I know it could be much, much worse.


So anywho, when WonderGirl was about 18 months I started praying to know when the right time to add to my brood would be.  I just asked when the right time was, that was all.  And I didn’t get an answer for a while, but when I did I knew it was right.  As scary as it was to go though the horror that was becoming a mom the first time around - oh, and and us having to up and move AGAIN during my last trimester, I felt peace.  I knew it was right.


The timing was perfect for WonderGirl.  She was potty trained, and was ready to go to daycare 2 mornings a week so I could have some time to learn all about the Dude.  It was an adjustment, but like I said, God’s timing has a way of being just right.


The Dude is a whole different animal.  He has other strengths that I’m just discovering.  When I look at where WG was at his age, and where he is, the difference is shocking - but at the same time, I’ve been there for his progress and I see his pace - it’s not as fast, but every day I can actually watch him use all his mental and physical energy to break though and accomplish or learn something new.  It’s like watching the strength of a mountain climber - and I’m in awe.  He is amazing.


I’ve been praying to know if this is it.  The Dude needs a lot more hands-on involvement to learn which I LOVE to do bytheby, and the thought of having a baby while I’m working my brains out trying to get him consistently verbal makes my head spin.  I pray to know what I should do - and I’m not getting any answers.  I feel like I’m climbing the mountain along with the Dude, and we aren’t to a resting point yet.  It’s close, I can TASTE it, but we’re not there and I have no idea when we will be.


(aside - remember how I got WG’s first consistent words to be “please” and “thank you” because I’m one tough broad?  He’s there!!!!  He says “Thanks Mom!” about 600 times a day without prompting, without begging - and SO cheerfully… I feel like I’ve won an Olympic medal, seriously.)


I’m just typing this out because I needed to see it.  Having another one is still very much an option, but I sure wish I could get a clear answer. Something like opening up my scriptures one day and reading “And behold, I decree that my servant Reva shall only be allowed two children to traumatize.”  I’d be totally okay with that.  Or “Yea, verily I say, Reva needeth to have another child, despite her obvious mental instability.”  Or even “Patience - thy Dude shall be prepared for a new sibling on such-and-such date, so stoppeth the freaking and chillax.” I’m cool with all of these options.


But I open up my scriptures and I get stuff like Thou shalt not amuzzle the ox when he treadeth out the bcorn.  (Deuteronomy 25:4) 


That’s not helping.  

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