When we moved to Wisconsin, I joined a mother's group to get to know other moms in the community, not just my church-bubble. It's been nice - once a month the moms have a meeting with a speaker and activity and stuff, while the kids hang out in a nursery-thing headed by some volunteers. Nice.
So at the end of last year, they announced the need for people to join the head commitee and take care of stuffs. I normally recognize my limitations and therefore do NOT volunteer for anything (I don't even cook meals for the sick and needy... they've suffered enough). I think it is safe to say we are all fully aware that I am an irresponsible yet lovable space case. But I had this strong impression that I should sign up to help organize the childcare part. I couldn't shake it, even when the husband - rightfully so - told me that it was a terrible idea.
I signed up. And then reality hit. We had lost a few volunteers and trying to get new ones has been ... awful. I am on the phone all the bleeping time bothering people. It makes me cry (it's not hard to do, I know. But I cry nonetheless). I would NEVER last as a missionary. I'm ruining the nice mother's group with my scatterbrained inadequacies. Oh... I had the best of intentions...
Ug, and then the first meeting was a complete disaster. So many kids, all of them crying and/or kicking, I never even made it out of the kid area to meet any of the moms or hear the speakers. I came home and cried for a few days. The next meeting I was in New York for, but by all accounts it was still really rough. We had a meeting today and in the last few months now I had been praying for an out so I wouldn't have to go. A meteor, the end of the world, anything to get me out of this insane decision and stop the daily panic attacks.
But last week, I paused for a moment, and thought - I can't change this. But I can change ME.
(also, I thought -"what would Rebecca do?" The world would be such a better place if we all did as Rebecca does...)
- so prayed for something else. This organization aims to help moms and give them a support system. It's not about me and my pithy problems, so I prayed to help me forget myself in this and love the people I'm serving.
Now, onto today. I got there (panicking but determined to martyr through it) and a volunteer lady who wasn't exactly excited about being there but was there nonetheless - came in with me into the toughest room of babies, plus the president of the organization stayed in there too. There was crying, there was screaming, but after a few minutes, they calmed down. I usually can't stand babies, but I actually felt love for these little ones whose moms just needed a break like me. The 2 hours flew by!
I left floating. It felt so good to serve and help. And then the sweet prez sent out an email suggesting the members of the leadership committee take turns in the baby room so we can all go to the meetings and mingle with the other moms. Win!
It's a small victory, but I'll take it. Yay for serving! And Thursdays!