Saturday, March 23, 2013

extreme mommy blogging

I complain about tough nights being up with the baby, but I'm always kind of hazy about them in the morning and only remember that it was tough. So last night I decided to live blog the entire experience. This post was written entirely by me with one eye squinting at my phone while feeding Thing 3.

Welcome to to the belly of the beast.

10:47pm First feeding of the night. I was in bed by 8:30pm and fell asleep whenever my head stopped arranging a duet of Jesus Is Risen for bass and an undetermined number of violins. I feel like I've been punched in the left side of my face. Thing 3 sounds a little like what I imagine a pig sounds like while digging for truffles. Huh. After waking me up from a dead sleep, he's decided to only eat half a bottle. This displeases me and I consider adoption. Oh, and he won't burp. How rude.

11:17pm Back to bed. Have some song from the radio stuck in my head. "But with youuuu I feel agaaaaiiiin.". Ugh.

1:04am feeding #2. Now feel like I've been punched in the front of my face. He eats the whole bottle HOORAY!! but still no burp. One big fart though. I am considering keeping him. But I need one burp before the night is over. Just. One. Burp.

1:37am Back to bed. I mentally draft hate mail to Mumford and Sons for writing songs that keep me from being able to sleep, since I have a running loop of "Oh man is a giddy thing" running in my head right now.

3:18am I wake up to the husband unplugging the baby monitor and walking into the baby's room with his pillow. I mumble something about how I can do it, but he's too fast. I hear diaper changing and bottle making. Am now trying to get myself back to sleep but my brain is too busy thinking of ways I want to thank the husband later on today. You hear that, men?? That is FLIPPIN' SEXY right there. I now have the Lumineers singing "You're my sweetheeeeeeaaaaart" stuck in my head, but I don't care.

5:11am Call of the baby again. The husband has a 7am bishopric meeting, so I slip out before he can get up. Baby is only moderately interested in the bottle and is making snorting noises while wriggling so I think this has to do with his refusal to burp earlier. I sit in the dark, rocking and patting him, praying for one good fart. And now I'm wondering how my life has come to this, entreating higher powers for flatulence.

6:21am VERY LOUD BURP HAS BEEN ACHIEVED. MY LIFE AGAIN HAS MEANING. Also, have some song from the radio in my head but I don't know the words, so I'm trying to come up with possible lyrics. Something about gnomes maybe?

6:32am Husband is up so I'm heading to my bed. I never appreciated how awesome my sheets and comforter and everything are. Ahhhhhhh.

6:33am the Dude pokes his head out of his door, turns on all the lights and announces it is morning. Oh well, I can rest next year.

PS After the husband showers, gets dressed in his suit - he has just a few short minutes before racing off to his meeting. He uses them to make blueberry pancakes for the kids. This, my friends, is what I call getting your sexy on. Rowr.


M said...

"Feel Again" by OneRepublic. Just in case you were wondering.

Mary said...


So ridiculously true!

Also: Your husband sounds awesome.

Also also: You should do stand up.

Lyndel said...

Your husband is awesome! What a lucky duo you are :)

Jane said...

I love the concept of live blogging. So true and vibrant. It's like I am right there and next week I WILL be and can search for the burp myself.

HEAR YE. I need to document the fact that I ran 3 miles and didn't feel like death.  So just to make sure it wasn't a fluke, I did...