Friday, November 28, 2014


As promised, a post on my dear friend who happens to be prison.  I wrote this back in July but never posted it, and she has now been there almost a year.  It's a heart-wrenching situation that I can't even begin to understand.

During my usual morning chaos, I remembered something I have heard from many readers - they appreciate how I am "real" about life and motherhood.  Which has always confused me, because I don't think I let all the gruesome nitty-gritty out.  If anything I scrub up some of these memories so they're a little less rough.  It makes me wonder what other bloggers are saying if what I'm posting seems neat and tidy to me... 
Anywho, when that thought popped into my head this morning, the next one was - well, let's get REAL then.  There are some things that need to be shared because hiding them in the shadows is dangerous. 
I have a really good friend from college who has a toddler-aged kid.  She's very intelligent, proactive and well-educated.  Seriously, this chick has started her own companies, advocated the heck out of causes she believes in and after getting her degree as the top of one insanely difficult instrument, got a master's in an entirely different field and rose to the top of the ranks in that one too.  She's a go-getter, and that's an understatement. 
So when a few months into motherhood, when she was slammed with one of the worst cases of PPD I've ever seen, she acted.  She was hospitalized more than once, was incredibly involved in finding the right medication, and worked to better the treatment options for PPD in her area.  She mentored more than one friend who she discovered was going through it, and when she found out I was pregnant with Thing 3, she started sending care packages and e.mails to Jared about how to attack the darkness when it came (because it does. and it did.). 
She called me one day, thrilled that her doctors had decided to cut back her care because they thought she was improving.  She had attacked this monster like the superwoman she is.  Then I didn't hear from her for a few weeks.  That's not uncommon with our crazy lives, so I didn't worry about it. 
A while later I found out why from a mutual friend on FB.  I don't know enough of the specifics to share details, but I do know that one day the beast reared its ugly head and she didn't have the strength to fight back.  She tried to kill both herself and her son. 
Thankfully, they were discovered in time to get treatment.  Not thankfully, our legal system is backwards, so instead of getting help, she has been in prison for more than 6 months now, awaiting trial. 
I can't put into words how angry this makes me.  How much I want to scream that she is NOT a criminal.  That she is a wonderful, contributing member of our society and what she needs is NOT to be stuck in a cell for 23 hours a day.  I can't even continue ranting on this or I'll work myself up, and that's the last thing I need right now. 
The thing that makes me sick is - but for the grace of God go I.  Any of us. 

Throughout this ordeal, she has embraced her faith.  She has more now than she ever has, and is constantly light-seeking,   Of course, being her, she has worked herself to where she now has a highly coveted work position in the prison with more freedoms.  She does not sit still, ever.  In fact, I am already in awe of how she is planning to help others and advocate for change.

If you'd ever like to send her a note, I know she'd love it.  I send her talks and articles I think she might like.  Any little note would brighten her day.  If you want to, just ask me for the address. :)


Jane said...

Oh my goodness.
I am sad for her, glad that someone found her and proud of her for not taking this lying down. It totally could be any one of us and I get that SO MUCH more than I did a mere 2 weeks ago.
Let me know her address and I will write her.

The Atomic Mom said...

Reva, this breaks my heart. I am so sorry for your friend. I am just mad too.

Miss D said...

I remember you telling me about this. So unbelievably sad and unjust. I would happily write her if you send me her address!!

HEAR YE. I need to document the fact that I ran 3 miles and didn't feel like death.  So just to make sure it wasn't a fluke, I did...