rotten.

I feel rotten.  SexyHusband has taken off for an errand to give me some alone time because I am feeling just that rotten - inside and out.  Dang he’s so wonderful.  It makes me feel rotten for feeling rotten.  here is a short list of the first few things I can think of that make me feel rotten today.

1. I am a rotten mom.  - No really, I am.  I couldn’t manage to get WT to take a nap before I had to teach a violin lesson, so she howled for an hour in her crib.  This does not make me feel rotten - she needed that dang nap.  Afterwards I was so worked up and anxious trying to focus on my student and the buzz of WT shrieking for so long, and TIRED, I had to hide so I wouldn’t tear her arms off.  Yes, I literally pictured tearing her arms off.  I can’t do motherhood - I don’t have the energy, the imagination, the self-control.


2. I have a HUGE butt.  Everything is growing too fast on me.  SH loves it and keeps slipping me extra food and treats because to him, 2 months pregnant me is the perfect weight.  I’m sickened by the sight and feel of my own body.  And in a TOTALLY unexpected side effect, I’ve discovered boobs can be TOO big.  Apparently, it becomes unattactive where every shirt you wear looks like it is in pain because 2 huge melons are smashed in there waaayyyy too tight and are threatening to escape.  Who knew??  I certainly didn’t, I couldn’t WAIT until they got all preggo-big.  Again, SH does not help the situation by being a big fan of said melons.


3. I am a rotten housekeeper.  I can’t keep my house remotely clean - it overwhelms me to the point it is hard to breathe.  But I can’t clean it - I’m so blasted tired and this little tornado follows me everywhere destroying every I touch.  I know a clean house would make me elated, and depressed because I’d know it was only a matter of time before it would be all trashed again.


4. I am rotten at keeping my temper.  It just occured to me that I may just have an anger management problem.  Looking back at my childhood, it’s starting to dawn on me that this is not a new development for me…  may need to let my shrink in on this one.


5. I have rotten clothes.  I swore this time I wouldn’t stretch my regular clothes out and I’d switch to bigger/maternity wear sooner, but alas, finding a whole new set of clothes for my insane body and issues??  It’s turning out almost impossible.  I can’t just run to the store and buy a shirt - my torso is too blasted long for most shirts at chain stores.  I think the ONLY shirt that fits all my requirements (need sewn-in sleeves, extra-long, not a tent, around $10) is the downeastbasics crew maternity shirt - but they don’t have it in the color I want.  I feel guilty when I smash into my tee-shirts, telling mself TODAY I’ll get around to getting something else, but I just ruin my clothes and hope tomorrow I’ll have time. 


6. I have a rotten tummy.  2 fantastic meals today , and my tummy hurts so much right now it’s actually cramping.  WHY TUMMY, WHY?!?!


7. I am a rotten commenter.  I read everyone’s blog - EVERYONE.  I don’t get around to commenting half as much as I should -although when I do, I mean it from the heart.  I just hate that I don’t do it as much as I should.


8. I have a completely wonderful life and I still manage to complain about some stupid things.  I know, being a rotten mom is totally justified, but complaining about my clothes?!  Gah, I’m annoying!

This concludes my gripe.  I’ll post again soon to get something else less smelly off he top spot.