Wednesday, February 18, 2009

affirmation

My worst fear happened today - I was unable to teach a lesson because WonderToddler woke up early from her nap and couldn’t stop crying.  And to top it off, it was the kid’s LAST lesson because he’s moving away and he really wanted to learn his new song.  Pile on the guilt, man.  But to WT’s credit, I’ve taught him almost 2 years and this is the first time it happened - AND she’s recovering from the stomach flu.


Plus side to a sick WT: extra snuggles:)


I can’t tell you how hard it is juggling mommyhood and teaching in the home… the scheduling and praying naps happen is making me go prematurely grey, and keeps me up at night.  Don’t even get me started on how stressed I am about adding to the mix in the fall…


To top it off, I stumbled on this blog today about how having a 2nd child wreaks havoc on a marriage.  Now, wherever my husband is and is reading this (he likes doing that to be appraised of anything I may be freaking out on so he can be prepared when he comes home to a overreacting-raving lunatic), I can tell you his reaction right now - “NOOOO!!!!”  I tend to flip out when I hear people tell me things negative and he gets the aftermath.  When I was pregnant with WT, I was banned from watching A Baby Story because I’d sob for hours afterwards and scream at him “DID YOU KNOW LABOR HURTS???  THAT LADY HURT, THAT MEANS I’M GONNA HURT!!!!”


So I have tried to train myself to have a grain of salt handy when I hear stuff like that.  Just to be nice to poor SexyHusband.


And this blog I found goes on about how the first one is all romantic, and the second makes you go bonkers and the relationship can’t handle the strain, etc.  Since I am now impregnated with our second - I immediately started hyperventilating.


Until it occured to me - the first was NOT a romantic experience.  It was hard - SO hard - terrifying and depressing.  It started with us in the delivery room alone together, me completely dependent on him because I couldn’t speak Portuguese.  Labor was hard, but it left me with this overwhelming love and appreciation for SH and who he had now truly become - my partner.


Then at home, both of us had no idea what to do, and I was so depressed and scared I could hardly function.  The only way we could survive was depending completely on each other, and it brought us closer together than I could have ever imagined.


Through it all, he’s never made me feel like I was missing out on the romantic side of our relationship.  It’s one of the awesome parts about going to church every week.  In the meetings for the men (priesthood), they get lessons every week on how they are supposed to be good husbands and how to be the best men they can be - and I got lucky enough to get a husband who takes it to heart.   He’s always coming up with ways for me to get some time to myself to recharge my batteries - and ways for us to reconnect with each other.  It’s amazing what letting someone know she is unconditionally loved can do for the vibe in the home:)


So yeah, having baby number 2 freaks me out for a whole lot of reasons, but not for a second do I worry about losing a connection with SH.   Through it all,  there’s the knowledge that we are together for eternity.  I’m scared to see if I can handle 2 kids, but I’m not scared about if WE can handle it.


That one is a given.

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