soul mix

I feel like posting, I so do.  But I’m about to get a violin student up in here and I should really try and put my baby in his crib.

Can’t put into words how I’m feeling.  It’s a mix, really.  Part elated. I had a dress rehearsal last night for a Haydn Mass I’m performing with the local college choir - and there’s only 4 string players, one on each part.  So I was VERY exposed.  I’d never played with the group before.  And I BROUGHT.  IT.  This is not a common thing for me - I have epically failed many times in my life, wrong notes, wrong rhythms, looked like a moron, so I know what a fail looks like.  This was not it.  And it felt really, really good.

Part stir-crazy.  I tried driving to a toy store today and had to turn back because I just can’t drive in this snow, the roads are awful (not enough money in the town budget to plow, good golly) and I slid all over the road.  I can’t go anywhere when the weather is like this.  AK.

Part thankful - for Lilya.  For her having an awesome haircut, then being willing to wake up early a few weeks ago and go with me (and Lola) to the salon so I could show the stylist Lilya’s head and de,and she do the same to me - but blonde.  Every morning I dry my hair, I do a happy dance that this cut is SO amazing and looks to good.  It’s a double edged sword, though - last night I had a nightmare I cut my hair and dyed it black and I cried.  Because I’m in love with this haircut.  IN. LOVE.

Part thankful for the internet.  I am so not alone.  And I am so on a search for some new pants.  More on this as it develops.

And thankful for my little life.  I routinely wish myself dead - it’s a funny quirk of mine, but in the moments I’m not overwhelmed and feeling crazed, I know I’m loved.  Sometimes.  And I’m warm.  Sometimes.  And I got to live out my dreams for a few years.  Not everyone gets to say that.

I know you probably have read the AZCentral article on Nie, but if you haven’t, get a hanky and start here.  It’s an amazing story.