the internal dialogue that goes through my head when I'm woken up in the middle of night to change and feed the Dude.

Zzzzzzz… huh?  Is the Dude talking? uuuuuuggggg.  Maybe he’ll go back to sleep.  Dangit.  Okay, if he says one more thing I’ll get up.  

Okay one more thing after that.

Dangit.  Okay, getting up.

Slink out of the bedroom, down the hall to the kitchen.

uuuggggg I’m so tir-OUCH! Why is that box still in the hallway? Oh, cuz I left it there.

Open the fridge to grab a bottle.

AK!  The light!  It burns!!!!

Put bottle in microwave. Rest head on counter.

uuuggggg.  I need a cookie.  Why don’t we have any cookies?  I guess a handful of rice crispies will have to do.  Lame.  Tomorrow I’ll get cookies.  Lots of cookies.

Take bottle out of microwave, head to bedroom.

Why am I the one that does this?  I’m putting my foot down tomorrow, Husband has to take a shift.  I’ll bet he’s enjoying sleeping right now.  Jerk.  Sleep is so awesome.  I remember pre-kids.  I slept then.  uuugggg.

Enter bedroom.  Dude is talking to himself.

What on earth is he talking about??  This is only adorable when it’s light outside.

Pick baby up, lay him on floor, prop bottle in his mouth with a towel and one of my feet, and proceed to change his diaper while balancing on one butt cheek.

I have a MASTERS DEGREE.  A MASTERS DEGREE.  I wonder what everyone else with MASTERS DEGREES are doing right now.  Probably sleeping.  Jerks.  I love sleep.

Pick baby back up and continue feeding while holding him laying sideways on the fouton.

Just a few more minutes and I’ll head back to bed. As soon as he’s done I’ll head back to sleep for beautiful, beautiful sleep.  Oh, is he done?  Okay, back in the crib please please please please don’t wake up… jackpot!  Now it’s my turn!

Slink back into bed, quietly rearrange the sheets and get super comfy.

AAhhhhhhhh.  Now for sleep.  Dang I love sleep.  Sleep sleep sleep.  Good ol’ sleep.  Yup.  Lovely, lovely sleep. ………..  IIIIIII’m comin’ out so let’s get this party started… crap, what is that doing in my head???

Curse P!nk for 45 minutes because the stupid song won’t stop playing in my brain.  Finally fall asleep for 2 more hours.  Repeat.