Sometimes when I don’t blog, it’s because I’m just too busy living my wild and fabulous life. But mostly, it’s when I’m trying to censor myself. If I’m feeling overly emotional about something, there’s this teeny tiny little spot inside that says “wait - blog about it tomorrow. You might be more rational and less crazy-blunt then.” I’m serious, there really is a smidgeon of restraint in me! Mom, Husband, stop laughing!
I’ve just been all blobbery lately, as I’ve been feeling all sick and feeling I just don’t belong - not the best of combinations. It’s completely my fault, I’m doing everything wrong and I just can’t seem to get a rhythm right. It’s never easy being somewhere new, but I feel like I’m sticking out like a sore, crazy thumb more than usual.
And then Gabby went along and posted a really insightful post on friendships - it’s crazy good, you should go read it. This gem in particular made me go oooooooooo:
Or, there are those people that I meet that I am amazed at, that I instantly seem to have a connection with, that I seem to have SO many things in common with, that, as I try to build a friendship, getting to know them, aspects of their life and their other friends, that I realize … this person doesn’t need me. That I don’t fit into any empty hole in their life that isn’t already filled by someone like me. Boy, is that disconcerting! We all like to feel unique, but it’s kinda hard to realize that there are others very much like you. AND, they met this person first. So what do I do? I try … but wonder why I should do all the trying? So it slips away, and you’re sad … and you are somewhat grateful because the friendship wasn’t that firmly rooted to begin with, so it’s easier to kinda let go. But part of you tells yourself (to feel better, of course), that there is something unique and special about you, and BOO on that person that didn’t take enough time to really delve.
Wow. What gets me is that moment where you look around and realize - this place got along fine before I got here, and will be just dandy after I leave - so where the heck do I fit now? I’m always just a bit off, not quite fitting in, and this is why. What a concept! I’m so glad for my blog-o-sphere friends to figure these things out for me :)
What I’ve got for now is, as hard as is is for my extrovertednessessessss, stop trying, stop calling and try to be a better me every day. Inflict less insanity on those around me. There’s a novel concept!
Deepness. You’re welcome, interwebs. ;)
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