not there yet

Let's take a wee break from all the picturing and go into my brain.

I'm having a human.  A boy human.  In about 4 months.  No, I don't have a name picked out.  The Dude is still sleeping in the crib that the new human will be sleeping in.  I don't remember much from my previous pregnancies, but I'm pretty sure I prepared a little.  I've never made a nursery with all the cutesiness, but I at least mentally tried to prepare.

I was planning on accepting things after I found out the gender - because then, I could have a mental image of what my family was going to look like.  And for about 24 hours I had a really great image in mind, my family of two girls and three boys.  I started picturing another little boy - and that was great - I mean, I have one boy and he is so flipping adorable it's insane.  But right about then the flipping adorable boy headbutted me.  Not because he was mad, just because some of his wires are crossed and he needs stuff like that.  It's not the hardest challenge to deal with, but it's something I have to deal with.

He has physical challenges.  WonderGirl just has emotional challenges, that actually feel something like being headbutted in the emotions sometimes (the "emotions" is located near the kidneys).  And thinking about all the headbutting made me realize this little one is going to have his own challenges.  Autism runs in the family and is definitely on the table, but so are a few other things.  I don't know if I'm up to 3 sets of challenges, and not knowing what this next child's challenges will be is making them loom and seem ginormous in my head.

So this child still isn't real in my brain (he is pretty real in my uterus though.  I have the heartburn to prove it).  Although, I was so terrified to have a boy last time I didn't really picture him in my head until he came, and then he was the most angelic little boy I'd ever met, and my fears went toodle-oo.

We have to move the Dude into WG's room at some point, so that might make this real.  Eventually.  Does anyone else spend the majority of their pregnancy terrified or in denial?

Comments

Elizabeth said…
Well, no words of experience or real wisdom from me. Lots of words of love though. You are amazing, your children are amazing, and Heavenly Father is even more so. He knows you, he knows the young man he is giving you, and he is right for you and your family. So it's just going to fit. It will.
A suggestion for getting Forster to move rooms/beds that we have used quite successfully (twice) in getting the boys to move from the toddler bed to a twin bed: Go and let him choose out a comforter from Walmart for a twin bed or buy one he would be absolutely in love with. Then when you have him transition to the new bed, only allow him to sleep with the new blanket on the new bed. The excitement for the new blanket seems to resolve the anxiety of the new bed and the want to return to the old one. But it is better to make this transition earlier than later so he won't have any resentment about someone else sleeping in "his" crib. You could even take the crib down and then he wouldn't even have that option for a few months. But the point is focusing the transition onto him wanting to change beds instead of going against his will. We have stubborn boys too.

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