Wednesday, December 31, 2014


- tchau, 2014 edition. When I look back at 2014, I will remember it as the year I gave in. It was the year I started buying Suave shampoo. Suave

I think that was my last holdout before descending into the "letting yourself go" territory. I've looked like a transient for years, but I'd still get the shampoo that promised volume and sexiness. It was a little bit of affirmation in the morning that I was still in the game. (Although has anyone ever looked at a woman and thought "dang, that volume is quite sexy"? I think we give hair a lot more clout than it actually has.)

But this year, I gave in to practicality. No frills.  Wearing mens clothing unironically. And my shampoo wasn't fooling anyone.  

2015, let's do this thing. 

Tuesday, December 30, 2014


It's been a long year, but it's over and I'm looking forward at 2015 with optimism because THIS EXISTS.

It's a wonderful world.

Sunday, December 28, 2014


I love Aldi. Love love love. It's the best grocery store ever. It limits choices and then wins points over for originality. Like, want brownie mix?  There's one kind. One brand, one kind. Deal with it. 

But then look over there!  Really good (and cheap) goat cheese!  Weird European pastries!  And a whole aisle of random non-grocery stuff that changes all the time!  No joke, one time I bought the husband a chainsaw there. 

And the section, though limited, is always an adventure. Take my breakfast today:

Double chocolate granola!  I'm going to be smug about my superior eating habits all day. Especially since something like this costs at least twice as much at another store. 

But not being the healthy eating type, I'm not well-versed in the small print, so this part kind of worries me: 

If it's free of all that, what on earth is IN it?  

Whatevs. I'll go ahead and be smug anyway. 

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

two more sleeps!

You guys know me.  You really do.
Minus the coffee part, of course.

Thanks, Teresa :)


HAPPY ALMOST CHRISTMAS!!!  I just have to let it be known that this year, I nailed the teacher gifts.  Finally.  Everyone got chocolate and hand sanitizer.  YOU get hand sanitizer!  You get hand sanitizer!  YOU get hand sanitizer!

So THIS doesn't happen:

So you know how everyone was all deathly ill?  I got a truancy letter from WonderGirl's school.  It's required once a student misses a number of days, but good golly, really?  I know it wasn't their fault, but it was signed by her principal who I'm pretty sure does not like me.  Which is odd because EVERYONE likes me.  So I kind of want to send her in next time she's puking, with the truancy letter pinned to her chest.

Also, just because I'm curious - if money and common sense were not object, what would you love to get for Christmas?  I ask that just because I was wondering it about myself.  So while you think of your answer, let me think of mine...

Maybe a vacation?  Like a crazy, over-the-top and anywhere one.  The last real vacation I think I was on was my honeymoon.  Like, go somewhere and do fun things just for the sake of doing fun things without any extraneous obligations.  Go to a tourism website and do everything they say you should do when you go to whatever place they say.  Emu riding?  Yes, please!  In reality, I actually don't want to go anywhere because I have childrens and taking them or getting someone to watch them is just too much.  But I said common sense was not a part of the equation, right?

Also...  okay, this is sad.  I just want a clean house.  That's it.  That would be the best thing ever.  Of course to make that happen, that would also mean the kids (and probably I) would have to move out, but again, common sense be darned.


Thursday, December 18, 2014

my mom is awesomesauce.

I laugh in the face of my last actual post. HahahahagdfGfghugds. I was dealing with almost a week of puking baby - which is rough - because they won't stay in one place so they are throwing up all over the house while you chase them down with a carpet cleaner. Ugh. 

But then. 

The hubs left town Sunday evening. At midnight, my mom came. At 3am, this one started throwing up. 

And Thing 3 was still at it.  I don't know what I would have done without my mom that week. SAINTHOOD EARNED. 

But then. 

I could count on one hand the number of times this 5 year old has thrown up on his life. He doubled his score Wednesday, poor thing. 

But by the sheer spiritual connection my mother has, she knew weeks ago that she needed to come visit during that week. Canceled a vacation and ended up spending said vacation time helping me nurse all my hand back up health. Heck, the hubs was out of town all week, but spent the first day holed up in his hotel throwing up too. Him bring here would have been one more patient. 

This post is dulldulldull, but it needed to be stated that my mother rocks So. Hardcore. 

That is all. 

Thursday, December 4, 2014


I wrote this last Thursday and posted it for a few brief monutes, but then then decided it was too negative and slipped it back into draft mode.  But today, on DAY 8 of the vomit-pocalypse - I'm owning the negative vibe.  Thing 3 doesn't have any other symptoms besides randomly throwing up in really inopportune places.  SO.  MUCH.  PUKE.  And of course, the husband had to jet out of town for a week, starting today - BUT, my sainted mother felt impressed a few weeks ago to cancel her vacation and come visit while he was gone.  TENDER, TENDER MERCIES.

Anywho, this was me on day 5 of the vomit-pocalypse.:

There are things you want to post on FB because validation.  You post a picture like this:

That's 100 guaranteed likes and at least 15 "You have historically created the cutest humans that I have viewed in my newsfeed this hour!" comments.  Sometimes when I'm having a bad day, I'll make sure to post something adorable.  It's therapeutic.  I do the same for my friends.  I don't know if they are also crackheads posting for validation, but just in case, I like returning the love.

But there are things you don't post.  I love my 12 real friends and 620 friends I know only through the internets, but I keep away from the controversial topics.  No joke, the husband posted something after he'd been up with a puking Thing 3 in the middle of the night, and a few people commented/argued about how they had it worse.  Not the point.  There are crazy people like that out there.  Gotta be aware.

Commenting on blogs takes longer so haters are usually less likely to troll my posts.  If I'm gonna take the effort to click 3 extra boxes before commenting, you know I'm gonna make it count.

So here in my quiet corner of the internets, I will state that I have been thrown up on 5 times today.  T3 has gone though ALL of the pants I washed yesterday.  This has been going on since Sunday, and I'm proud of my new found prowess with our steam cleaner..  I know so many people who do so much more, and I don't because I know I'm terrible at just these basics. I could volunteer, be on a committee, help people,  I could get out there and use my degree, but I'm barely keeping my head above water.  I've missed 2 doctors appointments that I scheduled wrong in the last month.  I am in charge of almost anything and I'm still useless.  Covered in vomit.  And if I actually had a life I'd have to let people down and cancel things to stay home and be vomited on.  I hate letting people down.  So I don't commit to anything that would require me to be up in the first place.  Why does my day job consist of all the things I'm bad at??  I have skills!  Just not these skills.

And if I posted that on FB, I would get all sorts of comments.  I don't want them.  I don't want pity, or commiseration or reasons why I'm wrong.  I do need to get it off my chest so I can feel a little lighter when I get up and mop the kitchen floor.

I promise, I feel better now, letting that out.  I know there are things I'm good at.  I have a life where I'm loved deeply by amazing people, and it doesn't get better than that.

And I have a blog.  Those are awesome.

So that's that.  I'm going to try and shower before the next episode.

HEAR YE. I need to document the fact that I ran 3 miles and didn't feel like death.  So just to make sure it wasn't a fluke, I did...