Okay, this morning Jane took me to the hopital and my amazing midwife prescribed several things to heal differend parts of my body and my soul.  I’m trying to tell myself everyone goes through this - I just really, really hoped this time it would be smoother.

WonderToddler is going bonkers.  She has been moved around and banged up almost as much as I have these last few months, and this transition is just plain tough.  I look at her and wonder how I got her from infant to this point - and wonder what the heck is possessing her to act like a 13-year-old with a heavy dose of attitude and cry because I’m in too much physical pain to think of what to do about it.  I look at this tiny, helpless being that I have no idea how to care for, and this wild, scared little girl and wonder how I can manage to be mom to both at the same time.

But I have to bright points to consider - 1. I survived the terror that was her infancy - it might take a while, but I’ll hit my stride.  It took about a year last time, this might be shorter or longer, but I know it happened, and 2. I look back at that picture SH took right after they put my little boy on my chest.  I was so happy - I wasn’t in the same kind of pain I’m in now - but as much as I wonder why I voluntarily chose to do this - something I KNEW would be tough - there’s no turning back now.  And I love him.  And her.  And someday, we’ll get good at this.  I just have to try and make TODAY a good one and try and stop being so afraid of tomorrow.