Goodness, this blog has become so dull lately! I keep up on my 365 pictures but actual blogging has become a rarity this year. Just 5 or so more months, woohoo!
I'm doing dandy, although it is exhausting being exhausted all the time and feeling like a giant failure at everything because of the exhaustion. And for the better part of the week I had intestinal problems that involved a feeling akin to being stabbed with a dagger in my stomach every time I stood vertical. Dull, dull dull!
But real life carries on, and I intend to get back to bloggering like a normal bloggerer. I sat down to type my brain out and since it has been so long since I bloggered normally, I was surprised by how self-absorbed and whiny it sounded. Am I normally so self-absorbed? DON'T ANSWER THAT.
Anywho, in the spirit of bloggitiggitying normalcy, I'm posting it anyway, but I'm putting a jump-break thingy in it so years from now when I go perusing my archives I'll have to actually click through to witness the annoyingocity and be thankful I at least partially shielded the normal populace from the woe-is-me fest.
Man, I'm out of bloggetting shape.
I don't have much to say this summer, given that my delicate situation has left me pooped. It's out in the open now, since we told WonderGirl and she has told every living soul she sees. I'm almost out of the first trimester so my energy should be returning, but there's the issue of my parents leaving the country in a few weeks, and knowing that for the 3rd time I won't have my mother there to help me.
It's not like I'm a big baby, but things went pretty badly the first two times and I'm walking into this next situation with a little more knowledge under my belt about what I'll be facing. I was blind-sighted with how bad things were so instead of solving problems, I was consumed with basic survival. And now that I know for sure what the bad things are and how bad things will be and how long they will take to regulate, I have firmer ideas about what could alleviate some of the cruddiness. Except it involves me being locked in a padded room for 3 full days in a straight jacket while I scream through the pain and someone else holds the baby and parents my children. Generally speaking, the one person you can depend on to allow you to abuse their kindness, physical well-being and emotional sanity like that is your own mother. And my mom totally could. Except she's going to be in China. When my uncle was in the hospital last year, she actually slept on the floor next to his bed for weeks and woke up at all hours of the night to help care for him. She's HARD CORE, y'all. And I need hard core.
I need to look at the bigger picture to get through this. And when I do, I feel insanely blessed to have the children that I do, and how awesome this will be eventually. But for now, there's no solution and the memories of the PPD and D-MER are so powerful I can't help but cry for my mommy. Bringing a child into this world requires faith, yes. I just question why it also has to take a chunk out of my soul as well.
That being said, besides the fact that I'm tired and huge domestic disappointment lately, I'm doing pretty good, considering. I hadn't taken a steady antacid medication before and it is seriously helping things. There's still some problem with chocolate, but with my fancy pills I can survive just enough to keep me from going postal.
One last bit of narcissistic dribble: I just realized the last time I had a pedicure was pre-WG. That used to be my little pick-me-up. Now my pick-me-up is going to the store for milk sans children. This is all by choice, and I wouldn't change it. But something tells me that all those mothering specialists who insist we not let ourselves go when we have children must live close to family. And those fabulous little mini-mall nail salons you find anywhere but ClownTown, USA.