and then I had time to blog

I'm so verklempt lately.  There's the horrible tragedy in Connecticut that has people spewing arguments right and left, the whole pants thing, and everything in between.  My faith in rational humanity is even more diminished than it was after the last election, where I sat on the sidelines and watched extremists on both sides make themselves look like psychotic angry monkeys.  And heaven forbid someone want to have a rational dialogue.  I'm so thankful for the few people left willing to listen, talk and love no matter the topic.

I'm going to blog.  It doesn't feel safe to say anything lately, but I'm pretty safe here.  Y'all are kind of awesome.  Saying anything on social networking sites is kind of like this:

But replace the older relative ruining it with a lame comment with someone you hardly know writing a long diatribe and then other people who don't even know them arguing for paragraphs and not even listening to what the other people are saying besides how they can attack it and it's beyond annoying.  I don't want to fight.  I just want to learn from other people and grow.

A few few of the things stewing in my thinker lately:


* I'm reminded of the Jaredites at the end of the Book of Mormon.  When their society hit the end, they were so desperate for control that they armed their women and children to attack their enemies.  I relate more to the Anti-Nephi-Lehis, who abhorred violence so much they met advancing armies on their knees, praying.  The world needs its Captain Moronis, and I think my husband relates more to that camp, hence the gun in our house, but I have a renewed love for the Anti-Nephi-Lehis.

* A moment of pride in my WG here.  Since the husband used to work for a company that makes sippy cups, we have a LOT of sippy cups.  So I send one of the full size tumblers to school in WG's lunch every day because they are handy, and they don't spill.  The other day a kid asked her why she had a baby cup in her lunch, and you know what her response was?  "Because I'm AWESOME!"  Yes.  Yes, she is.


* Read Annie's last post - devoid of the current button issues, just an example of a fabulous lady living the true spirit of Christmas.  Read it.  She's kind of my hero.

* There's a massive 24 hour storm coming in to the Midwest this evening.  Followed by a massive blizzard.  I so SO hate winter, but I have a snug home, a handy husband and a garage full of firewood.  I am truly blessed.

* Also, with that winter storm coming, I decided to go ahead and make my own hamburger buns last night for sloppy joes.  I like knowing I can make it myself, just in case.  I used this recipe and just used all white flour instead of a mix of wheat because that's all I had.

heck yes I instagram-ed the heck out of this.  It looks awesome.

* What was I thinking having 3 children?  What made me think I could even remotely handle that??  I'm about to lose my mind in pure fear here.  I'm potty training the Dude, trying to get WonderGirl's note reading ability up to her playing ability on the violin and wondering who the heck this boy will be and how I will give him even an ounce of attention.  So freaked out right now.  What I wouldn't give for outside piano, violin, reading, bowel movement teachers.  I am so overwhelmed with this job I took on.  It started out SO innocently, just being a caterer and a maid for one vomit monster and now this. AK.

Is that all I was going to write?  I've been thinking about blogging for days but never had the time to do it and now I can't remember all the beautiful posts I organized in my head.  This'll hold me for now.

365 days 323-337

 11-30-12
I'm in there.  This job is never done!

 12-1-12
Snuggling with WonderGirl.

 12-2-12
I love my Dude.

 12-3-12
Got some new shoes!!!  Those are the old ones.  Unfortunately, I had to return the new ones because they did weird stuff to my arches.  I REALLY need some comfortable, GOOD shoes that don't look orthopedic or athletic.  Suggestions???

12-4-12
This sums up my relationship with the camera this year.

12-5-12
Setting up for a photoshoot I did for the girls at church.  I shall NEVER achieve a decent bokeh!

12-6-12
Mwha Mwha.

12-7-12
Hiding from the kids.

12-8-12
Melts.  I love WonderGirl!

12-9-12
This is what being YW president looks like.  I was at the church churching for hours to make this happen, and it ended up awesomesauce.

12-10-12
Almost missed it!  We'd already been in bed about a half hour before this...

12-11-12
Meeting our dear friend Pascal's dad and almost-bride in Portland.  Woohoo!

12-12-12
Nice day for a wedding, n'est pas?

12-13-12
Spent most of the day travelling and then rushed the kids to play our annual family Christmas concert at the nursing home.  Exhausted, but loverly all around!

12-14-12
Would I have preferred to get my face in focus?  Yes.  Do I have the energy to make that happen?  Neope.

Who has two thumbs and is on her way to Portland?? This girl!

sup

Blarg. Let's sum things up with a handy dandy bullet list:

• Survived a big night of churchy young women-ness last night. I almost didn't - but help arrived in the nick of time in the form of the husband, pizza and a fabulous tossed salad. Things went well and we are off the hook for another big to-do for a few months, but I still feel like I'm mediocre at best in this calling. Living in the middle of nowhere is rough for those who show up, y'all.

• I may or may not be going to Portland for a wedding tomorrow, depending on how our babysitter is coping with a stomach bug. Im terrified to go and leave the kids and terrified to not get to go at the same time. Again, living in the middle of nowhere is rough. I miss my mommy.

• It snowed. %#$&. I got to race to Walfart early this morning for a snow boot and snow pants run for WonderGirl. I know I should have grabbed some pre-first snow of the season, but I've been in heavy denial. Winter in the Midwest needs a punch in the face.

• The pregnancy insomnia won last night. I've been fighting it for months but now that it has its durn foot in the door, I'm in for it. Although on the plus side, my new heartburn medication seems to be working!

• I started my crazy pills a few days ago. We tried this whole "take the antidepressant during the end of pregnancy and then maybe she won't get depressed!" thing, but it totally didn't work. So let's try it again! And adding new chemicals into a pregnant woman's bloodstream is always so much of the funs, yes? In the last 24 hours I have cried at every conceivable thing. All the things.

• I just drank a creepy weird orange sugar drink and now I'm waiting around in the doctor's office to have them test me for gestational diabetes.

• This morning when I went on the snow clothes run, I nabbed myself a Hershey's cookies and cream candy bar because I felt ridiculously sorry for myself and those are the only candy bars I can eat right now. But then I remembered the diabetes test and realized if I ate a candy bar for breakfast, I'd probably fail the test. So I didn't eat the candy bar yet. This is huge, because I have zero willpower. ZERO. I'm dying here.

• I typed this all on my phone! Award please!

girls rock

So we all survived NaBloPoMo!  I only missed a wee bit, but I think I also get extra points for hosting Thanksgiving and also not missing any 365 days.

I'm annoyed today,. Would you like to hear why?  Oh, joy!  The other day my mom e.mailed me and asked me why I didn't have a link to that CJane blogger in my sidebar since I'd referenced her in my last post.  My mom experiences most of the internet via the links on my sidebar - so you guys are famous (in a small apartment in China)!  I  told her that I actually wasn't a huge fan for a few reasons, but I like to read her and keep current since so many people read her and look up to her as what an LDS woman is.  I like to know what is being put out there.

Right after I e.mailed my mom back, CJane posted about discovering her Mormon feminism.  I'm not going to knock feminism, but how she came to that decision really, really, really bothered me.  She admitted she'd grown up thinking boys were more important than girls, and her sister said she'd felt the same way.  I read that and was horrified for several reasons.
1.  I've NEVER felt that way.  I've been an active Latter-Day Saint my entire life and never once did anyone infer men were superior to women.  I was always taught how important and divine both our roles were and neither was better.
2.  I get to fight a daily battle of dumb stereotypes against my religion, and I really dislike it when people perpetuate those stereotypes.
3.  Who taught these girls they were not as good as boys??  I don't want to point fingers, but whose mama let that one slip into their ears??
Baaahhhhhh.  If anything, I have to fight the urge to not not feel superior to men.  I guess I'm just really lucky to have skipped out on whatever inferiority complex creeped into ..... is it Utah-raised women?  I've never lived there so I don't know.  I railed about this to the husband last night and he asked me what I'm doing in my calling as head of the teen young women in our congregation to ensure they don't have this misperception, and had to say nothin', because I'd never dreamed it was be an issue.  As a LDS woman, I have always felt valued, important and equal.  It never occurred to me anyone would even think of us that way.  BAAAHHHHHH I say.

The only time anyone ever disparaged me as a woman was when one of my brothers used to make dumb, sexist jokes.  And my mom laid the smack-down on him.  I was raised by a really smart, really awesome woman and that's where I got that wacky ideal of gender equality.

Yesterday two of my friends from college played on the Leno show as part of one of my favorite bands - the Polyphonic Spree.  I'm jealous as all get out, but they are two of the most talented people I know and it couldn't have happened to more awesome musicians.  My friend Sean was documenting the day through instagram and it was so awesome to live in a teeny way vicariously through his experience.  While he was getting all did up and recorded though his day, I had WonderGirl throw up all over my bedroom floor at 1am, then managed to throw up in the bathroom while I was doing a lice treatment on her that night (more about that another time), the Dude spent the day still afraid to go to the bathroom, and my unborn child was/is trying to beat up several of my internal organs.  The juxtaposition was a bit much at that point.

After we got them into bed, my husband wrapped his arms around me and thanked me for choosing to live the life I do for our family.  We've both made sacrifices to raise children, but it sure does help ease the hurt when he's always aware of and grateful for what I gave up.  I didn't give it up because I didn't feel I wasn't worthy for anything else.  I didn't give it up because that was all I was allowed to do.  I gave it up because I prayed about it and knew in my heart it was what I was supposed to do.  If there was anything else I was supposed to be doing, I'd totally be doing it.

And I'm respected for that choice.   It's awesome.

thank heavens for rockin' husbands

I had a terrible nightmare last night.  I blame CJane.  I've been reading her life story and have been mildly interested, although some of her rationale and choices had me scratching my head.  It all came to a point the other day when she posted the outcome of those misguided choices - an abusive relationship-turned marriage.  She tells it well.  So well in fact, that it's just haunting me - all the times I've been in less-than-stellar situations and the places those choices have taken me - and how I thankfully ended up somewhere far better than I deserve.  Holy snap I'm so thankful for my life, and how I'm miles away from where I ever thought I'd be.

My nightmare was awful, but strangely like my own decision to marry - although I was terrified but went through with it because I knew more than anything that despite my fear, this was something that was right and I had to do it.  In my nightmare I was engaged to a mysterious and angry person and wandered my parent's house on my wedding day, trying to find a way out of this horrible situation.  It didn't help that I have a raging sore throat that kept me waking up in a panic.  When I woke up from it all finally, I realized where I was and I was already married to the best guy in the universe.  Do you ever have mornings like that?  Oh, the relief!!

There isn't a huge point to this, just that being sealed to a honest, brilliant and loving partner is the greatest thing there is.  I hope you know exactly what I mean :)

365 days 320-322

 11-27-12
Okay, so I cheated on this one.    But I'm IN is and I edited the tar out of it so I'm counting it.  It's actually from last summer.  I can't believe I'm so close to 365 - there are so many days that I just don't want to get in front of the camera, and I couldn't take another picture of my shoulder.

11-28-12
I like the perspective and the lighting on this one - plus the bit of the clock.

11-29-12
I am sure monochrome lately!  I put up a black background and tried to emulate a professional shot a friend just put on FB.  I think I mostly managed it - although my goal was to not over expose it too much, and at the very end this blue-yellow filter looked so good I couldn't help but use it.  I don't know if my photography skills are getting all that much better this year, but I'm learning some good tricks for editing.  And that's all you really need, right?  ;)

One thing I have learned though is there is a limit on total pictures you can publish on your blogger blogs.  Did you know that?  I've been posting for years on my family blog and this year has been FULL of my 365 shots and I never thought twice about it.  But all of the sudden I've hit the limit and I'm not allowed to post original sized shots and I have have to purchase most space... although so far, it lets me post resized pictures, which is kind of a hassle but I understand.  I wish I'd known about that before.  I've used lots of platforms in my 12+ years blogging and I've learned Blogger is the most accessible for me, so I'll muddle through.

And now, because that paragraph was so boring, here is a picture I found on Pinterest that made me laugh and then I imagined head Jane yelling that it was totally wrong and punching her computer in the face and then I laughed some more:

Haw.  love you Jane!

my from scratch tortillas

I promised you tortillas today.  Like I said before, these are super easy and basic, so I feel if I am able to make them without turning them into a huge disaster, they MUST be foolproof.

I didn't figure out how to make them because I'm a tortilla snob - I did it because there are few things worse than trying to get dinner ready and realize you are out of tortillas and that would mean taking the Dude into a grocery store at dinner rush time... unnnngghhhh.  I'd rather make them myself than face that.  And it takes about the same amount of time, plus I don't need special ingredients.

I got the idea for a recipe on AllRecipes for Indian roti.  I simplified it a little and it ended up being exactly like a tortilla.  I made them first last New Years Eve for our crazy buffet, and the husband (a very picky eater - especially when it comes to my pathetic cooking) asked me if I would be offended if he said this was his favorite thing that I'd ever made.  I might have been - since it was so simple - but I don't get compliments on my cooking very often so I took it.

First, throw 2 cups flour into your Kitchenaid mixer thingy.  And 3/4 cup warm water, plus a teaspoon or less of salt.  Then let the dough hook go at it for a few minutes.   Oh, and preheat a nonstick pan up to a lowish medium-ish temperature.  It's tricky for me to get it hot enough, but not burn-y, so I start it early at a low temp so it's ready to go.

Don't let it mix too long, or it'll be too chewy.  I think if I added some lard or something they'd be softer, but these are just fine and I don't need extra lard in my diet.

Pinch off a wee bit and roll it into a ball.

Then roll it out on a floured surface until it's a nice circle looking thing.  Doesn't have to be paper thin, just use pressure to get it the way you want.

I don't put anything onto the pan, and it doesn't stick since there is plenty of flour on the tortilla.  My first one always cooks slowly, but I fiddle with the temperature and it start bubbling on each side around 30ish seconds.  I flip it around a few times and push on it to get the air bubbles poppin'.

While that's happening, I'm always rolling out the next one.   The whole process only takes a few minutes and I feel very productive while I do it.

I throw them into a pan right on top of each other and don't usually cover it until the end so they don't get too steamy or moist.  This batch made about 8 - you can make them bigger or smaller.

I have rice cooking in the rice cooker during this whole process.

And a can of black beans with a clove or two of garlic (or a dash of garlic powder) in it simmering.

I keep it super simple.  I grate some cheddar cheese and sprinkle some taco seasoning into it to give it lovely flavor, then nuke a bit of freezer corn.  I didn't have sour cream that night and didn't miss it.  I always have a container of lime juice too - and salsa is a if-I-have-it option.  But just beans, rice, cheese and lime are always enough.  Oh, if I have cilantro then booya, or if I actually cook up some beef or chicken woohoo, but the meal doesn't feel like it's missing much with just these basics.  It's delish.

WG actually eats it only with cheese then eats her beans and rice separately  and the Dude only eats the rice and cheese.  But I eat it up and feel very good about myself.  Really - if I can do it, anyone can do it.  Let me know if you attempt it.  This is my I-have 30-minutes-to-get-dinner-ready-what-do-I-have-on-hand-so-I-don't-have-to-run-to-the-store meal.  What's YOUR I-have 30-minutes-to-get-dinner-ready-what-do-I-have-on-hand-so-I-don't-have-to-run-to-the-store meal??  And pasta doesn't count.

So maybe it's not the best idea I have this CD in my car.  But ugh - from beginning to end, it makes me feel so amazing blessed that I ever got to play with these people and SO BLASTED HOMESICK.  This song rings in my bones and I have to listen to it at full blast.  If I lived near Michael, I'd insist on rerecording the violin track, but regardless it's all gravy.  I love how every single one of us is singing on it and it makes my whole body relax on the chorus.  I'm so happy and sad all at the same time.  MUSICS WHY YOU SUCH A CRUEL MISTRESS????  And why on earth am I living in Wisconsin??  It was 12 degrees driving WonderGirl to school this morning.  Although as I was driving home the bank thermometer had moved the temp up to 14.

Thanksgiving was fabulous.  Family came in and the husband cooked everything and the kids all played beautifully and even napped and then there was shopping and then they all left and then I crashed and spent the majority of Saturday in bed.  Then Sunday we woke up early, were on the road just before 7am and drove 3 hours to a baby blessing in Iowa City, stayed for church, had some lunch then drove the 3 hours home and still made it home before bedtime.  I'm pretty impressed with that one.

Now we're back home, the Christmas tree is up and the kitchen looks like a bomb went off.  We were able to maintain sanity all week, but then people left and I got tired - and then made tacos for dinner - well, it's not pretty.  So that's my to-do for the day.  Speaking of, did y'all know I make my own flour tortillas from 3 ingredients in like 20 minutes?  I took some pictures, I think I'll make a blog post about it tomorrow.  Because I feel like if I'm ever halfway decent at cooking something, it must be the easiest thing in the world and therefore everyone should be doing it.

But for now, here's an instagram of our wee tree.

365 days 314-319

 11-21-12
I took this with the remote.  We took a great bunch of pictures with the help of a tripod, remote and a set of dancing grandparents in the background.  It was totally spontaneous - the husband came home early and since I'd mentioned how I wanted to take a family picture before the weather got bad, told us to get dressed and head down the street to Circus World.  Not bad, I say!

 11-22-12
Resting with the sexiest man alive.  This amazing soul made Thanksgiving dinner for us all.  Ain't I the luckiest??

 11-23-12
Jamming with the crew on sushi night.

 11-24-12
Spent almost the entire day in bed.  Sweet husband picked up much slack.  I watched a documentary on PSY and most of the Star Wars movies!

11-25-12
Got up at 6am, drove 3 hours to Iowa for a baby blessing, had some church and lunch, then got back before bedtime.  Oh thank heavens for Veggie Tales and functioning portable DVD players!!

11-26-12
Gearing up to deck our wee halls today!

http://madison.craigslist.org/cto/3408461695.html

Updating on my phone. Family is still here, and we're about to have the annual sushi party. But I'm taking a moment to share with you the funniest craigslist posting I've ever seen. Tou're welcome!