Friday, February 27, 2009

She insisted on the sparkly shoes this morning. She insisted on eggs for breakfast. She insisted there was a baby in HER tummy too.

I like her.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009



singlescoop:bohemea:Adorable!intweetion:Perpetual Kidvia Frizzifrizzi

he took me out. I got dressed up, held his hand across the table while eating pregnancy-safe sushi, and then went out to the movies, all on a Tuesday night.

so unbelieveably twitterpated.

Monday, February 23, 2009

to give is better than to receive

ganked from Elizabeth:

This is how it works….. The first 3 people to leave a comment on this post will receive a hand made gift from me during this year. When and what will be a surprise. BUT, in order for you to leave a comment on my blog, you have to post this on your blog first. (That means that sometime during this year you will send a gift to 3 people as well.) Get it? So, the first 3 people to comment on this post will be the lucky ones.

Since I can’t make anything physically, the first 3 commenters will receive a copy of my latest CD - Life As We Know Know it by my awesome trio Tres de Solei.  It’s self-published but I wrote a few tracks on it and I’m rather proud of it, imperfections and all.

Also, I have a fear of post offices so you may have to wait to receive it until Elizabeth comes to visit me again and holds my hand in the dreaded post office.  But when you get the CD you’ll be so happy you simply will not care.  Promise.

Looky looky what I’m getting, A pink case…. AND the little gem inside.

words cannot describe how tickled I be. Wait… maybe these might shed some light:

holycrapholycrapholycrap this is awesome!!!!

Jamiroquai - Canned Heat Just because it’s Monday. Turn up the speakers and get your groove on. You’re welcome.

Jamiroquai - Canned Heat

Just because it’s Monday.  Turn up the speakers and get your groove on.

You’re welcome.

makes me wish I could catch SexyHusband reading more often.

although… I have IMed him from the other side of the house insisting on *relations*.

and vice versa.

yes, I love technology.  but not as much as you, you see.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

imitating art

I made a Wordle - a wee bit of literary art made from the words on any given webpage - in this case my blog. 


Looks like I’ve been blogging about nice, peaceful stuffs lately.  Methinks I need to knock over a bank or something.  Mix things up.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


My worst fear happened today - I was unable to teach a lesson because WonderToddler woke up early from her nap and couldn’t stop crying.  And to top it off, it was the kid’s LAST lesson because he’s moving away and he really wanted to learn his new song.  Pile on the guilt, man.  But to WT’s credit, I’ve taught him almost 2 years and this is the first time it happened - AND she’s recovering from the stomach flu.

Plus side to a sick WT: extra snuggles:)

I can’t tell you how hard it is juggling mommyhood and teaching in the home… the scheduling and praying naps happen is making me go prematurely grey, and keeps me up at night.  Don’t even get me started on how stressed I am about adding to the mix in the fall…

To top it off, I stumbled on this blog today about how having a 2nd child wreaks havoc on a marriage.  Now, wherever my husband is and is reading this (he likes doing that to be appraised of anything I may be freaking out on so he can be prepared when he comes home to a overreacting-raving lunatic), I can tell you his reaction right now - “NOOOO!!!!”  I tend to flip out when I hear people tell me things negative and he gets the aftermath.  When I was pregnant with WT, I was banned from watching A Baby Story because I’d sob for hours afterwards and scream at him “DID YOU KNOW LABOR HURTS???  THAT LADY HURT, THAT MEANS I’M GONNA HURT!!!!”

So I have tried to train myself to have a grain of salt handy when I hear stuff like that.  Just to be nice to poor SexyHusband.

And this blog I found goes on about how the first one is all romantic, and the second makes you go bonkers and the relationship can’t handle the strain, etc.  Since I am now impregnated with our second - I immediately started hyperventilating.

Until it occured to me - the first was NOT a romantic experience.  It was hard - SO hard - terrifying and depressing.  It started with us in the delivery room alone together, me completely dependent on him because I couldn’t speak Portuguese.  Labor was hard, but it left me with this overwhelming love and appreciation for SH and who he had now truly become - my partner.

Then at home, both of us had no idea what to do, and I was so depressed and scared I could hardly function.  The only way we could survive was depending completely on each other, and it brought us closer together than I could have ever imagined.

Through it all, he’s never made me feel like I was missing out on the romantic side of our relationship.  It’s one of the awesome parts about going to church every week.  In the meetings for the men (priesthood), they get lessons every week on how they are supposed to be good husbands and how to be the best men they can be - and I got lucky enough to get a husband who takes it to heart.   He’s always coming up with ways for me to get some time to myself to recharge my batteries - and ways for us to reconnect with each other.  It’s amazing what letting someone know she is unconditionally loved can do for the vibe in the home:)

So yeah, having baby number 2 freaks me out for a whole lot of reasons, but not for a second do I worry about losing a connection with SH.   Through it all,  there’s the knowledge that we are together for eternity.  I’m scared to see if I can handle 2 kids, but I’m not scared about if WE can handle it.

That one is a given.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

odd thought

So you’ve heard about the teens in Britain - the girl who just gave birth at 15 and her 13 year old “boyfriend” (who looks like a baby faced 8 year old) who fathered the poor baby?  By the way, he was 12 and she was 14 when the baby was conceived - ug..?  There’s the obvious thing there - what parents would allow their adolescent kids to keep the baby and and not give it a genuine chance at a good life by putting it up for adoption???  There’s so many loving, wonderful couples who desperately want to provide for a little one - ug, give them a chance!!

But really, here’s my real thought… and this is, obviously, just the weird kind of thing my brain comes up with - but by now, 2 other little boys are coming forward and are claiming THEY are the father.  Both 15 or younger.  And they want paternity tests to prove it.  Now if I were a teenage boy who had done the nasty with a young girl who got knocked up, and then someone ELSE was getting the blame, responsibility and a whoooole lotta bills coming my way - I’d assume my morals were already out of whack and I’d be doing the happy dance o’ freedom.  Woohoo!!  Dodged that bullet!

I mean really… doesn’t that seem more in line with what a nutso teen would do?  The world is goin’ to heck in a wheelbarrow, that’s for sure…

Monday, February 16, 2009


Hope y’all had fabulous a Valentine’s Day!  Despite my feeling like a blimp and being overly cranky and tired, SexyHusband managed to make the holiday special as usual.  This year he gave me the most incredible gift - A LETTER.  Not just any letter - a love letter.  Oh My SNAP!  He is really good at sending me sweet texts and e.mails all the time, but this was an honest-to-goodness-all-about-the-first-time-I-saw-you-I’m-so-crazy-in-love-with-you love letter.  I’ve already re-read it about 47 times.

The heart shaped box of chocolates was also appreciated, to a slightly lesser extent :)

I love how he’s so anti-establishment, so crazy, and yet he always finds the sweetest ways - yes, even on that capatalist holiday - to let me know I am special.  Yay husband! 

My dear friend Watoozi over in Brasil made a fabulous post on finding success in marriage (she’s actually qualified to do so) that you simply must read.  The only thing I’d add that I’ve learned along my deep 4 years is something my mom taught me - “Do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right?”

That just means there’s a lot of stupid things I could (and have) argued and allowed to cause tension and a  rift between us that really aren’t important.  Do I want to constantly find things wrong, or do I want to be happy?  Because happiness, at least in my case, really can be a choice.    Focusing on being happy rather than whatever I’d want to argue about makes our home a happy place for everyone methinks.  Because my mom also had another saying - “When mama ain’t happy, ain’t NOBODY happy.”

I’m off to read my letter again :)

Monday, February 9, 2009

I can't help it...

I pray and pray that that stupid octuplet mom does NOT get some massive book deal and loads of money for her insanity.  She paid for all of her 7 IVFs with over $160,000 in disability.  Sooo… too disabled to work, but not disabled enough to bring 14 kids into the world, without anyone to support them??  Oh, and if you’re going to make your parents watch and house your kids - it would be a good idea to NOT bash them all over the airwaves.  Holy SNAP.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

The gutarist in my band just sent this picture to me of the creepy-yet-cheerful “crashers” at the quilt convention this weekend.  Do you see the desperation, the look in my eyes - where seconds previous, I’d been silently mouthing the words “HELP!!”?  Instead of said help, he grabbed a camera.  What a true friend.

although… in the reverse situation, I can totally see myself doing the same thing… ;)

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

(virtual) retail therapy

In an effort to cheer my spirits, I’ve been shopping.  No, too tired to hit an actual store with the WonderToddler, but web-window-shopping is just as gratifying.  Ahhh, thank you intraweb.

So my obsession of the day is a maternity swimsuit.  Not that I’m all about swimsuits normally, but last summer I got the world’s GREATEST swimsuit and the bar has been raised.  I mean, it may seem dumb to you, but having one shoulder be REALLY buff and one be not makes me a little lot self-conscious (due to years of playing violin on the left side and carrying the case all over town) and discovering a halter top brings the attention in to my NECK and away from the freaky shoulders, wooHOO!!

And the swim skirt - GENIUS!!  Most normal people do NOT look good in a brief style bottom - especially me - and the skirt was so flipping comfortable and made me feel super sexy.

So I gotta find something comparable - like I said, bar has been RAISED!  I tried to find a decent pic of me in the suit, and this gives something of an idea of what I loved about the last one:

Halter, skirt - all awesome.  So I’ve been scoping the web and this top looked cool - not too shabby.

But I can’t find any maternity bottoms that I like as much as my other bottoms though.  Don’t want briefs, and do NOT want a skirt with ruffles (blegh!).  So what about just buying a black pair and letting it just sit under my belly.  It sits pretty low anyway, so I think it’d work…

What do ya’ll think?  Stick those two together nad we have a functional suit?  I want to do swim lessons again soon with WT so I need something so I won’t stretch out my awesome suit that I will SO be in shape for by next year.

This entry is the reason women blog. To release!!!! Ignore if you are having an off day and don't need to bother with another person's mutterings:)

I try to keep my pregnancy gripes to a minimum - since it does no good to dwell on the blah when there is a bigger YAY about.  I’m not really complaining here, just feeling a bit off.

When SexyHusband and I were foolishly trying to plan out when to add to our family of 3, one big consideration was the cold.  Last year around this time, I went to a doctor and tried to get some help - I was so cold and miserable, some days I would be cooped up on the couch all day, watching WonderToddler play and physically and mentally unable to get up. 

“I know there’s something wrong,” I told the doctor.  “I’m not lazy, I just can’t bring myself to move!”

“Hmmm,” said the wise MD.  “Do you ENJOY your days on the couch?”

“No!”  I said.  “I’m miserable and guilty and conflicted the whole time!”

“Then that, is not lazy, that my dear, is depression.  If you were lazy, you’d be enjoying doing nothing.”

It made sense.  It’s been my personal demon for years - sometimes I thought I had a handle on it, sometimes it had a handle on me, and most of the time I needed someone on the outside to tell me when things were bad because I just can’t see from in here.  And, like any illness, you can’t just ignore it and hope it goes away.  So we took care of it, and the last year has been a good one.

Except then I got pregnant when I didn’t expect it - and now I am completely off any medication to help me, and it’s freeeezing outside.  Turns out the lack of warmth and sunlight REALLY does a number on me.  I’m holed up on the couch again, unable to move and frustrated, only this time add nausea, insomnia and exhaustion, and growing-a-kid-in-there pain.   SH has stepped in and has been supportive, not judgemental of all the time I spend in bed or on the floor, and has been the awesome father he always is.

But dang it, I feel horrible.  I know it wears on him just like it wears on me.  I look at our home which has been trashed by our raging 2 year old and I want to tidy it - to feel some kind of order and sense in my life, but when I get up I get woozy and sick.  The only cure that I can take right now as a pregnant extrovert is someone to come and talk to me and play with me.  I get my energy from other people, and all this alone time saps it right out.    But I feel awful inviting friends over because they have kids - which REALLY drain me, and then I am even MORE useless than before.

I just can’t wait to see and FEEL the sun again!  I do take solace in the fact that at least I realize what is going on.  But dagnabit, I want to feel normal again!

So to sum up - I know that this is a physical condition, I’m not allowing my thoughts to turn negative despite the slowdown in my body (which is taking quite a bit of strength, actually) and I’m comforted that this WILL end at some point.  Just gotta be patient in the mean time….

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Object may be more normal than it appears

After our wildly sucessful show Saturday night (a conference hall of over 500 quilting ladies??  best audience ever!!) we were packing up our gear when I was approached by 3 young, obviously drunk guys who wanted a picture with the chick in the kilt.  I was so surprised, I just posed for several akward shots and silently mouthed “HELP ME!!” to the fellow band members, who wouldn’t stop laughing.  They were mid twenties, not too much younger than me, and soooo proud to be “crashing” a quilt convention.  After it was over nonetheless, but they were too buzzed to notice.

Then, they tried hitting on me and tried to get me to go have a drink with them.  I got out of it, but was so uncomfortable I wanted to scream - “What??  I am a married PREGNANT mother!!!  You don’t hit on mothers!!”  I feel so WEIRD when I get hit on!  Don’t I have - besides my wedding ring - some kind of sign that warns that I am boring and matronly??

Talking to the singer this weekend, she had a funny but true observation.  Some people have a wild inside with a tame exterior, while I am completely different - this crazy fiddler with a huge mouth, who happens to be a devout Mormon and keeps from not only drugs and alcohol, but heck, even caffine and rated R movies.  I am SOOOO blasted tame, but that gets missed because I am also so blasted ME.  Reminds me of my Baptist bofriend in college who was in the mood to get “reborn” and decided to date me because I seemed so wild, he’d be able to “save” me.  Then he found out that of the two of us, *I* was the one that didn’t drink, smoke, do drugs, NOTHIN’.  Eventually I just bored him to death ;)

Gah, I have this problem with being nice to someone, but if someone tries to hit on me, should I be allowed to act on my feelings and drop kick them?

Cannot get enough of this video and song I found on a friend’s blog. So YUMMY! Why am I not the cool person that knows these cool indie things? I SEEM like the person that should know cool insider hipster stuff, right? Heck I didn’t realize until after it was out 6 months that Beyonce’s new song doesn’t stink. Go fig.


HEAR YE. I need to document the fact that I ran 3 miles and didn't feel like death.  So just to make sure it wasn't a fluke, I did...