Dude doesn’t nap well during the day because he doesn’t sleep well at night. He doesn’t sleep well at night and it’s my fault. I have 2 functions at night - when he wakes me up, I either
1. feed him while checking my e.mail because it wakes me up enough to take care of him, and then I lay in my bed totally awake and unable to sleep for at least an hour, usually staying awake through the next feeding. Although today at 1am I tried that but I was so tired we fell asleep on the chair for an hour and I woke up seconds before I pushed my laptop onto the floor. Or, I
2. feed him in his room in the dark, but I don’t actually wake up, so I pass out on the couch or floor (it was the hallway once this week too) with Dude laying on my chest, and we sleep uncomfortably for an hour or so, until I wake up and try to put him back to bed but he won’t sleep anymore because why would you sleep on a hard, cold bed when you had a warm squishy mommy? So I, still barely awake stumble around trying to get him sleepy again unsuccessfully. Heck, around 3am today, I actually put his diaper on only halfway and backwards so a few minutes later he woke me up, sopping wet with pee. Woohoo.
It’s my fault he doesn’t know how to sleep. But I can’t think when I’m tired. Some people get mean, but I just get stupid. And now royally pissed off. Not at my sweet Dude, I know it’s not his fault. It’s mine. I won’t say where my wrath is going, but I do know I need a healthy way to release it because I’m about to punch someone in the face. I may or may not have almost ripped WG’s head off for trying to sneak a snack, which she is not allowed since she wouldn’t eat her breakfast.
So now, because I am so &^%&*% mad, I would like to make a list of other things that are incurring my wrath today:
1. The &^%^%$ 25 MPH speed limit in this podunk town.
2. The dresser I walked into at 1am.
3. Oatmeal, and having it spat on me by WG.
4. Not knowing everything in the universe. Specifically, not knowing how and who to set up all my amazing single guy friends up with since they deserve to be happy, except who knows if there is anyone out there good enough for them and if they were with some undeserving chick that would be on this list too.
5. Screaming children.
6. Dry skin. It hasn’t stopped raining in 5 days, but my epidermis is like sandpaper and no amount of guzzling water or slopping on lotion is making a difference.
7. Not seeing the sun for 5 ^%$#^%$ days.
8. Hair. I don’t want to blow dry it, I don’t want to stand there and try and get it to look decent, I just want to go. And the only hairstyle that will accommodate that is bald, but I’m pretty sure my skull is not one of my better features so I gots to cover that up. And I am tired of looking like this:
9. Crap all over the %$# floor that I didn’t put there and can’t get the person who DID put it there to put it away since there’s no place to put most of this crap and organizing things gives me $%# hives.
Okay, let’s cleanse the palete, shall we?
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Now let’s get out there and not kill anybody today!